We are starting a new streak! Week 1 of not missing a blog. I missed it last week to overcome my social awkwardness and going out and it pretty much has meant we’re starting streak number 2 of 2018 much more happy then streak 1 was.
For the first time this year I missed this blog! That is pretty much 2 months of the year without missing one.
To be fair though there was a good reason for me missing it. As always though I’ll tell you that story through song…
I’ve never kept it a secret that I work in retail. Always have. When people know how bad my depression and anxiety are they tend to be surprised to hear it but I’m also a people person deep DEEP down and I quite like retail. It isn’t always as bad as people make it out to be.
Then again I was raised to be polite to people, to remember that everyone makes mistakes so you should be kind and having depression and anxiety means I’m fully aware that you NEVER EVER can tell how the person you are talking to feels at that moment so you treat them the way YOU want to be treated, you smile and you are just, in general, nice.
When did it stop being so easy to be nice?
My first week back at work and boy would you not realise that I’m the same person. I’ve actually been over excited about just going to work.
I am that crazy.
For some people nothing is going to stop them being the happy positive wonderful humans they are. That’s all good and well for you. Today, or just recently I guess, I’m sick of people telling me that I’m too negative and that if I just Lived in the Moment I’d be much happier.
Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean its going to work with someone like me.
The news of Chester Bennington losing his fight against depression this week has been hard to take. Linkin’ Park has always been one of those many bands that got me through my teenage years of abuse and bullying and in my adult life their songs still get through to me at the toughest of times. I’m not saying I was their biggest fan, they are one of many MANY bands that were around in those tough teenage years which stick around my playlists because they mean a lot to me.
I’m sorry if this sounds heartless but after news like this there is a outpouring online of people telling us that we are not alone and sending us numbers we can phone if we ever feel like we are but once the pain of the death dies down the talk of depression and mental illness in general becomes one no one wants to have again.
If you really want us not to be alone you’d stop treating our illness like its not important.
A very tough weekend looks only to get worse as the week goes on and as the emotional stress continues to build my mind has gone into self destruct and my worst qualities are coming to the forefront in a very explosive way.