Tag Archives: Scared

365 Challenge : Buffalo Nickel

“Dig through your couch cushions, your purse, or the floor of your car and look at the year printed on the first coin you find. What were you doing that year?”

I found a coin in my bag, it was a 50p from 2008.

2008

Continue reading 365 Challenge : Buffalo Nickel

365 Challenge : Nightmares

The last nightmare I had might sound strange but it is a reoccurring one.

Its very simple, not very scary but its to do with work.

Always I’m late, or I’m meant to be doing something and am getting side tracked, or I’m talking to someone who suddenly turns into someone else.

Our store goes from being normal, to being the interior of my house, to being outside and all forms of craziness in between.

Every time I have this dream the conversations are similar but different and it is so vivid and real that I have to pinch myself when I wake up to believe that I’ve been dreaming. Conversations with work colleagues suddenly become difficult to shake and I have to be careful what I say when I talk to them next because I can’t remember if the conversations were real or not.

I personally class these as nightmares because for a start I go to sleep hoping to escape from normal life! Having to work for 8 hours or more a day then sleep for another 8 or so hours dreaming about it is not a good thing. It unnerves me and makes me twitchy for the next day. Worst of all though it just unsettles me completely from the moment I wake up to the moment I go back to sleep. I suddenly can’t deal with it and I’ll believe I’m late all day long or else time will run away from me and I WILL forget to do stuff.

Sometimes I wake up physically sick after one of those dreams.

It effects me more because its reality mixed in with the weird. Its always something that is mixed with reality that scares me more. It blurs very real lines and makes me double think myself.

I hate them! Apparently they are to do with stress though but I get them so often that it sometimes scares me from sleeping!

 

Diary #6 : Fantastical Books and the Impression they leave

I will start with a question.

Is there a universe out there that you’ve read about in a book that just seems so real and alive to you that it upsets you deep inside that it isn’t real and you aren’t there? Are there characters that touch your heart so tenderly that you don’t care if people think you are stupid but as far as you are concerned you know them? You are more emotionally attached to them and their plight then you are of real life people right in front of you?

If you have I’d love to know which ones so leave me a message in the comments. If not then why not?

Let me tell you about some of mine…

Continue reading Diary #6 : Fantastical Books and the Impression they leave

Diary #5 : The Old Me

As you all know I’ve been doing a Daily Doodle since the beginning of January, I’ve also obviously decided to take my time and think about my work instead of having the lazy ass “anything will do” approach that has haunted me for the last few years.

I love scrolling through arty stuff on Tumblr. Whether its graphics, digital drawings, scribbles, hand drawn/painted stuff and everything else. I love scrolling through all the fan fiction blogs, the prompt and Imagine blogs as well as just random pieces of poetry, sayings and all sorts. I love seeing other people being creative…

For the first time in ages though it kind of made me miss the old me.

Continue reading Diary #5 : The Old Me

365 Challenge : 1984

The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.
H. P. Lovecraft

Today’s prompt reminds me of a episode of Doctor Who. The God Complex. In it a group of people including the Doctor, Amy and Rory are trapped in a hotel with a Minotaur feasting off of the fear of the people inside.

We only get to see inside some of the rooms but all their fears are different. From ventriloquist dolls to clowns.

For me though the one that truly touched me was Amy Ponds. It wasn’t a near death experience with Weeping Angels or something else mundane and normal that she had to face up with. What Amy had in her room was Little Amelia Pond. It was part of a story showing how the Doctor had entered a child’s life and through a mistake had messed that girl up but she’d never given up on the Doctor. Amy’s fear was a mixture of growing up and being abandoned, or at least I felt like it was a mixture, many people thought it was just one or the other but I believe for poor Amy both were pretty much the same thing.

I think if I had to face my own fear something like that would probably be behind my door. I don’t think it would be something you could see like a clown or a spider or something else. If it was my door inside would be something deep inside me that I don’t think about, that I can’t think about and that I won’t think about. Emotions that you relabel so that even if you know that they hurt you you can’t quite remember why they’ve been filed away any more.

Amy never gave up hoping the Doctor would show up and save her. Her parents had been erased and this mad man in a box had shown up and promised her the world, she waited for him (the Girl that Waited) and he came back years and years later after everyone she knew thought she was crazy. Because she never gave up and he rewarded her faith in him by actually showing up in the end she did live a dangerous life under the blind faith the Doctor would make it alright in the end. Something the Doctor can never really promise his companions.

It possibly isn’t something Amy Pond would have ever thought of until she’d been forced to come face to face with it. So how would I know what my fear would be till I opened the door?