So I said in my Playlist that I’d write a little bit about what is going on so here is what is going on.
There are few things harder in life than dealing with a break up, regardless of circumstances, outcomes or the person it’s with.
Unfortunately that’s what I’m currently dealing with, I was the one who instigated the split but it’s still difficult to deal with. I haven’t blogged in a while but i would like to share my experiences and I think it’s also to do with blowing off some steam but hopefully other people will take something from the experience I’m currently going through.
So this is a strange one. As you might guess I’m a little bit all over the place this week, its the last full week before my operation so depression has set in, I posted the Diary post that showed that I’d done something good to move forward with my life and regretted it every second after…
I’m just a little lost right now so I don’t think I can put into words my week.
SOOOOOOO last week I tried something different. This week I’ve just picked four songs and I’m gonna post the lyrics that speak to me without any commentary because… I physically can’t even begin to explain the pain I’m in without starting to ramble about being in love with a man who is indifferent to my existence, fearing I’m going to die on Thursday and just generally not really wanting to be alive anymore at the same time.
So I had my pre-op appointment today and some weird things happened to me and I made a big decision in my life knowing full well it is never going to be the same again after next week anyway so I’ll kind of explain as much as I can below and hope you all forgive me for being absolute shit for the next few weeks.
OK its a bit of a dramatic sounding title but I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.
After having a conversation with someone at work I finally realised one giant problem with the way people handle being told that someone they know is depressed/suicidal or suffers from life crippling anxiety.
Instead of asking you why, how its triggered or if there was something that you can pinpoint that started it (questions you might not have answers too but at least it shows they are aware its personal to you and want to understand it) they tend to, with the best intentions at heart, tell you why you shouldn’t be, that things will get better and that you don’t want to kill yourself….
I will start with a question.
Is there a universe out there that you’ve read about in a book that just seems so real and alive to you that it upsets you deep inside that it isn’t real and you aren’t there? Are there characters that touch your heart so tenderly that you don’t care if people think you are stupid but as far as you are concerned you know them? You are more emotionally attached to them and their plight then you are of real life people right in front of you?
If you have I’d love to know which ones so leave me a message in the comments. If not then why not?
Let me tell you about some of mine…