I don’t think people get just how badly anxiety can effect you. For instance I can come across as unfriendly, anti-social or shy because my anxiety effects my speech. Similarly when I try too hard I can come across as annoying, overly sarcastic and a bit of a bitch.
There isn’t a middle ground for me because I suck so bad at communicating with other humans.
Continue reading Diary #15 : How not to talk to other humans….
So everyone has small triggers when it comes to anxiety and one of mine is sound,
Its strange, its such a random thing you might think, but since I was a child I’ve always been scared of the strangest of sounds. I’m partially deaf but I’m actually able to HEAR a spider in my room before I see it, thunder terrifies me even though I love lightening (which is the actual dangerous part of a thunderstorm) and I hate being in public places without headphones or someone with me else I constantly believe people are talking to me, about me or laughing at me.
So let me tell you how a hedgehog last night buggered up my day today….
Continue reading Diary #14 : The Tale of the Hedgehog…
So I have a bit of a obsessive personality. Its not something I can help, if I like something I want to know everything about it right at that moment and fill my head with it. My best work is done when I’m going through a obsessive phase with something. My many long years obsession with the racing driver Bruno Senna for example gave me many wonderful moments creating things for a fan site for him, my obsession over Domhnall Gleeson made me want to watch Star Wars a few times which led me to writing my most popular fic on Ao3 and so on and so forth.
When they are like that its fine. It makes me productive. I want to watch every single Adrien Brody film ever? I’ll go do that and write about them or get ideas from the movies of other things to write about.
When its a real life thing though…. Well that’s when I flounder.
Continue reading Diary #13 : Obsession…
I am a very paranoid person. I really am. I have to second guess everything and the absolute worst thing anyone could do is compliment me because that is the one second I start to panic that actually I’ve done something wrong….
Continue reading Diary #12 : How Not to Take Compliments
I’ve been told that no matter how comfortable you are being alone the majority of your life there will at least be one moment where you wish that you could fit in, you did fit in or you wanted to fit in.
As one of those annoying people who do and don’t everything (I do want friends, but I don’t want friends, I do want to go out with people and I don’t want to leave my house, I do want to talk to someone but I’d rather poke my eyes out then do so….) I can agree with that but I also know I’m unusual in general.
So the question becomes is it actually important to “fit in” and what does that even mean?!
Continue reading Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…
It won’t surprise anyone to know I’m a introvert. I’m one of those really annoying types who wants to have loads of friends and feel involved but the second someone takes pity on me and tries to include me in anything I shy away from it because its too much.
I hate going outside, I hate having to communicate with people and I hate remembering that there is a world outside of the fantasy ones I create in my head.
With all my many problems both socially and just in general, if you come across these blogs and read about me you might think I’d be a easy introvert to pick out of a crowd. Yet the one thing I hear ALL the time is that people just don’t believe I’m a introvert.
Its bloody annoying too!
Continue reading Diary #10 : I don’t believe it…
So first a update on the page.
Below I’ll explain the long and boring stuff (as it is a diary post and they are used for mental illness talk) but before that I’ll get down to it. We have EVERYTHING up to date. No really we do. Everyone has written every review they have needed too BUT its being held up, by me, in the drafts. As I have to double check spelling and tags and all that all the Yonderland, AHS, Ash vs Evil Dead and even just other misc posts have been piling up but with everyone working and me the way I am they’ve just been stuck in limbo.
THEREFORE I shall be doing my best to edit them over the weekend and get them out as best I can. I won’t have them all post to Facebook as most of the people who follow us on Facebook are there for wrestling reviews and nothing else (the Pride review will be out as I have actually written most of it, it’ll just be stupidly late as it is already.) I’ll try to spread them out over the next 7 or so days. I’ll try but be patient.
Why is it taking me so long?
Continue reading Diary #8 : Where I am right now…