So everyone has small triggers when it comes to anxiety and one of mine is sound,
Its strange, its such a random thing you might think, but since I was a child I’ve always been scared of the strangest of sounds. I’m partially deaf but I’m actually able to HEAR a spider in my room before I see it, thunder terrifies me even though I love lightening (which is the actual dangerous part of a thunderstorm) and I hate being in public places without headphones or someone with me else I constantly believe people are talking to me, about me or laughing at me.
So let me tell you how a hedgehog last night buggered up my day today….
Continue reading Diary #14 : The Tale of the Hedgehog…
So I have a bit of a obsessive personality. Its not something I can help, if I like something I want to know everything about it right at that moment and fill my head with it. My best work is done when I’m going through a obsessive phase with something. My many long years obsession with the racing driver Bruno Senna for example gave me many wonderful moments creating things for a fan site for him, my obsession over Domhnall Gleeson made me want to watch Star Wars a few times which led me to writing my most popular fic on Ao3 and so on and so forth.
When they are like that its fine. It makes me productive. I want to watch every single Adrien Brody film ever? I’ll go do that and write about them or get ideas from the movies of other things to write about.
When its a real life thing though…. Well that’s when I flounder.
Continue reading Diary #13 : Obsession…
I’ve been told that no matter how comfortable you are being alone the majority of your life there will at least be one moment where you wish that you could fit in, you did fit in or you wanted to fit in.
As one of those annoying people who do and don’t everything (I do want friends, but I don’t want friends, I do want to go out with people and I don’t want to leave my house, I do want to talk to someone but I’d rather poke my eyes out then do so….) I can agree with that but I also know I’m unusual in general.
So the question becomes is it actually important to “fit in” and what does that even mean?!
Continue reading Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…
It won’t surprise anyone to know I’m a introvert. I’m one of those really annoying types who wants to have loads of friends and feel involved but the second someone takes pity on me and tries to include me in anything I shy away from it because its too much.
I hate going outside, I hate having to communicate with people and I hate remembering that there is a world outside of the fantasy ones I create in my head.
With all my many problems both socially and just in general, if you come across these blogs and read about me you might think I’d be a easy introvert to pick out of a crowd. Yet the one thing I hear ALL the time is that people just don’t believe I’m a introvert.
Its bloody annoying too!
Continue reading Diary #10 : I don’t believe it…
OK its a bit of a dramatic sounding title but I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.
After having a conversation with someone at work I finally realised one giant problem with the way people handle being told that someone they know is depressed/suicidal or suffers from life crippling anxiety.
Instead of asking you why, how its triggered or if there was something that you can pinpoint that started it (questions you might not have answers too but at least it shows they are aware its personal to you and want to understand it) they tend to, with the best intentions at heart, tell you why you shouldn’t be, that things will get better and that you don’t want to kill yourself….
Continue reading Diary #7 : Killing you with Good Intentions
I will start with a question.
Is there a universe out there that you’ve read about in a book that just seems so real and alive to you that it upsets you deep inside that it isn’t real and you aren’t there? Are there characters that touch your heart so tenderly that you don’t care if people think you are stupid but as far as you are concerned you know them? You are more emotionally attached to them and their plight then you are of real life people right in front of you?
If you have I’d love to know which ones so leave me a message in the comments. If not then why not?
Let me tell you about some of mine…
Continue reading Diary #6 : Fantastical Books and the Impression they leave
As you all know I’ve been doing a Daily Doodle since the beginning of January, I’ve also obviously decided to take my time and think about my work instead of having the lazy ass “anything will do” approach that has haunted me for the last few years.
I love scrolling through arty stuff on Tumblr. Whether its graphics, digital drawings, scribbles, hand drawn/painted stuff and everything else. I love scrolling through all the fan fiction blogs, the prompt and Imagine blogs as well as just random pieces of poetry, sayings and all sorts. I love seeing other people being creative…
For the first time in ages though it kind of made me miss the old me.
Continue reading Diary #5 : The Old Me