As someone who struggles with suicide on a daily basis its important to remind everyone that they aren’t alone. I can’t promise anything will get better but sharing how you feel always helps. Please before you do anything get in touch with someone, you really aren’t the only person feeling that way and you can get help.
Samaritans – 116 123 or you can e-mail them at email@example.com
Childline – 0800 1111
Papyrus – 0800 068 41 41 or e-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org
Depression doesn’t care about who you are or what you have in your life and it can be the loneliest feeling in your life. You can be surrounded by people, have everything you think you want and be comfortable in life and still suffer worse then words can describe and that is OK. It is more then OK to feel the way you do no matter who you are and never let anyone tell you different.
Everyone feels like there is no hope or no way out, everyone feels alone and sad. When you have depression its difficult to find the first step out of the situation and you can get stuck there, this is where people without depression fail to understand you but its absolutely normal to feel that way, there is nothing selfish about how you feel and reaching out to people who feel the way you do or are there to help really does make you realise you aren’t alone.
Plus you can always get in touch with me if you need someone to talk to. You might feel like you are alone but you really aren’t. Please remember to reach out and never let anyone make you believe how you feel isn’t normal or OK. You are perfectly normal and you deserve to be happy.
For some people nothing is going to stop them being the happy positive wonderful humans they are. That’s all good and well for you. Today, or just recently I guess, I’m sick of people telling me that I’m too negative and that if I just Lived in the Moment I’d be much happier.
Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean its going to work with someone like me.
Continue reading Diary #18 : Live in the Moments…
The news of Chester Bennington losing his fight against depression this week has been hard to take. Linkin’ Park has always been one of those many bands that got me through my teenage years of abuse and bullying and in my adult life their songs still get through to me at the toughest of times. I’m not saying I was their biggest fan, they are one of many MANY bands that were around in those tough teenage years which stick around my playlists because they mean a lot to me.
I’m sorry if this sounds heartless but after news like this there is a outpouring online of people telling us that we are not alone and sending us numbers we can phone if we ever feel like we are but once the pain of the death dies down the talk of depression and mental illness in general becomes one no one wants to have again.
If you really want us not to be alone you’d stop treating our illness like its not important.
Continue reading Diary #17 : Its Time We Really Started Talking!
I don’t think people get just how badly anxiety can effect you. For instance I can come across as unfriendly, anti-social or shy because my anxiety effects my speech. Similarly when I try too hard I can come across as annoying, overly sarcastic and a bit of a bitch.
There isn’t a middle ground for me because I suck so bad at communicating with other humans.
Continue reading Diary #15 : How not to talk to other humans….
So everyone has small triggers when it comes to anxiety and one of mine is sound,
Its strange, its such a random thing you might think, but since I was a child I’ve always been scared of the strangest of sounds. I’m partially deaf but I’m actually able to HEAR a spider in my room before I see it, thunder terrifies me even though I love lightening (which is the actual dangerous part of a thunderstorm) and I hate being in public places without headphones or someone with me else I constantly believe people are talking to me, about me or laughing at me.
So let me tell you how a hedgehog last night buggered up my day today….
Continue reading Diary #14 : The Tale of the Hedgehog…
So I have a bit of a obsessive personality. Its not something I can help, if I like something I want to know everything about it right at that moment and fill my head with it. My best work is done when I’m going through a obsessive phase with something. My many long years obsession with the racing driver Bruno Senna for example gave me many wonderful moments creating things for a fan site for him, my obsession over Domhnall Gleeson made me want to watch Star Wars a few times which led me to writing my most popular fic on Ao3 and so on and so forth.
When they are like that its fine. It makes me productive. I want to watch every single Adrien Brody film ever? I’ll go do that and write about them or get ideas from the movies of other things to write about.
When its a real life thing though…. Well that’s when I flounder.
Continue reading Diary #13 : Obsession…
It won’t surprise anyone to know I’m a introvert. I’m one of those really annoying types who wants to have loads of friends and feel involved but the second someone takes pity on me and tries to include me in anything I shy away from it because its too much.
I hate going outside, I hate having to communicate with people and I hate remembering that there is a world outside of the fantasy ones I create in my head.
With all my many problems both socially and just in general, if you come across these blogs and read about me you might think I’d be a easy introvert to pick out of a crowd. Yet the one thing I hear ALL the time is that people just don’t believe I’m a introvert.
Its bloody annoying too!
Continue reading Diary #10 : I don’t believe it…