So this week has been pretty hectic and just a little bit sad and scary. I’ve continued to make bad decisions, I cried a lot and I had a operation which has made it hard to hold my head up anymore.
I probably have in the past gone into depth about what Wrestling means to me but after following Mark Hainsworth on Twitter its made me think deeply once more about not only what wrestling means to me but what the community has done for me too.
Honestly would recommend a follow to Mark on Twitter as he, along with a few others, are trying to build a positive and welcoming wrestling community on Twitter.
So this is my last day of holiday and I’m sat here wasting the hours away until DEFIANT Wrestling is on and depressing myself over my return to work tomorrow. Four days in a row. Four days…
As someone who struggles with suicide on a daily basis its important to remind everyone that they aren’t alone. I can’t promise anything will get better but sharing how you feel always helps. Please before you do anything get in touch with someone, you really aren’t the only person feeling that way and you can get help.
Samaritans – 116 123 or you can e-mail them at email@example.com
Childline – 0800 1111
Papyrus – 0800 068 41 41 or e-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org
Depression doesn’t care about who you are or what you have in your life and it can be the loneliest feeling in your life. You can be surrounded by people, have everything you think you want and be comfortable in life and still suffer worse then words can describe and that is OK. It is more then OK to feel the way you do no matter who you are and never let anyone tell you different.
Everyone feels like there is no hope or no way out, everyone feels alone and sad. When you have depression its difficult to find the first step out of the situation and you can get stuck there, this is where people without depression fail to understand you but its absolutely normal to feel that way, there is nothing selfish about how you feel and reaching out to people who feel the way you do or are there to help really does make you realise you aren’t alone.
Plus you can always get in touch with me if you need someone to talk to. You might feel like you are alone but you really aren’t. Please remember to reach out and never let anyone make you believe how you feel isn’t normal or OK. You are perfectly normal and you deserve to be happy.
For some people nothing is going to stop them being the happy positive wonderful humans they are. That’s all good and well for you. Today, or just recently I guess, I’m sick of people telling me that I’m too negative and that if I just Lived in the Moment I’d be much happier.
Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean its going to work with someone like me.
The news of Chester Bennington losing his fight against depression this week has been hard to take. Linkin’ Park has always been one of those many bands that got me through my teenage years of abuse and bullying and in my adult life their songs still get through to me at the toughest of times. I’m not saying I was their biggest fan, they are one of many MANY bands that were around in those tough teenage years which stick around my playlists because they mean a lot to me.
I’m sorry if this sounds heartless but after news like this there is a outpouring online of people telling us that we are not alone and sending us numbers we can phone if we ever feel like we are but once the pain of the death dies down the talk of depression and mental illness in general becomes one no one wants to have again.
If you really want us not to be alone you’d stop treating our illness like its not important.
I don’t think people get just how badly anxiety can effect you. For instance I can come across as unfriendly, anti-social or shy because my anxiety effects my speech. Similarly when I try too hard I can come across as annoying, overly sarcastic and a bit of a bitch.
There isn’t a middle ground for me because I suck so bad at communicating with other humans.