I’ve tried to touch on the vicious circle of poor sleep, poor waking up and depression before but seeing today was such a big day for me for really random reasons I thought I’d let everyone know about why days like today are my absolutely biggest fear.
So I said in my Playlist that I’d write a little bit about what is going on so here is what is going on.
Yes I know, I know. Not only did the streak end but week 33 just didn’t happen. In fact recently nothing has been happening and its a mixture of depression, anxiety, hard work and being in so much pain that if I’m not at work being forced to be awake I’m at home either crying in pain or napping to get away from the pain.
I don’t really want to dwell on the pain and the crying right now, some terrible news was passed to me today which I don’t have the time to really digest right now seeing I still have two more days of work so a complete cop out week is in order.
Remember I did that ridiculous blog with my childhood songs? Well here are four, only four I promise, from my actual CHILD childhood that mean nothing personally other then being things I listened too before I was old enough to know better or have much choice. I’ll hope to have a blog out latter in the week explaining everything. At least by Thursday.
First off the Kimmy Schimdt review was MEANT to be out yesterday but I pressed the wrong button and saved it as a draft instead of scheduling it. I will get that out sometime don’t you worry about it (I want to double check just in case I saved it as a draft for a reason.)
Second off this week has been a little tiring for me. I spent a lot of it in pain and with my sister so there isn’t really much to talk about. So yeah another one of those weeks.
So I promised to get my shit together and do some stuff this week then life happened and I semi-edited one blog before passing it off for another day and then dying slowly.
I can’t make ANY promises this week as I’m working a ton and just have 0 motivation but… BUT! The STREAK is not going anywhere so the Playlist is set.
For some people nothing is going to stop them being the happy positive wonderful humans they are. That’s all good and well for you. Today, or just recently I guess, I’m sick of people telling me that I’m too negative and that if I just Lived in the Moment I’d be much happier.
Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean its going to work with someone like me.
The news of Chester Bennington losing his fight against depression this week has been hard to take. Linkin’ Park has always been one of those many bands that got me through my teenage years of abuse and bullying and in my adult life their songs still get through to me at the toughest of times. I’m not saying I was their biggest fan, they are one of many MANY bands that were around in those tough teenage years which stick around my playlists because they mean a lot to me.
I’m sorry if this sounds heartless but after news like this there is a outpouring online of people telling us that we are not alone and sending us numbers we can phone if we ever feel like we are but once the pain of the death dies down the talk of depression and mental illness in general becomes one no one wants to have again.
If you really want us not to be alone you’d stop treating our illness like its not important.