Tag Archives: Friendship

Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…

I’ve been told that no matter how comfortable you are being alone the majority of your life there will at least be one moment where you wish that you could fit in, you did fit in or you wanted to fit in.

As one of those annoying people who do and don’t everything (I do want friends, but I don’t want friends, I do want to go out with people and I don’t want to leave my house, I do want to talk to someone but I’d rather poke my eyes out then do so….) I can agree with that but I also know I’m unusual in general.

So the question becomes is it actually important to “fit in” and what does that even mean?!

Continue reading Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…

365 Challenge : Helpless

I hate feeling helpless. 2015 was a year when I felt it so often that it became too normal a feeling to have.

The very last time was over New Years. I had to watch a friend deteriorate in health from so far away. I couldn’t go to help them, nothing I said made a difference. Their life was meaningless to them and I was so very worried I was going to wake up one day to find out something horrible had happened.

It wasn’t the first time this has happened but it was the first time in a long time that I was truly scared.

There was nothing I could do other then to talk to the person and you don’t realise how hard that is till you are face to face with someone who can hardly remember who they are through the tears and the pain they are going through. Skype is a blessing as is face time but it is nothing compared to being there in person. The feeling of wanting to reach through the computer screen and just hug the person in question till they realised how much I cared about them drove me crazy.

Possibly the most horrible thing about it though is that through the depression and the hate filled tears that my friend was going through, in her moments of clarity she felt just as helpless as me. She felt helpless in life and she felt helpless because she knew she was hurting her friends and her mental state refused to give her the words to communicate to us that she loved us and understood what we were trying to say to her.

The thing with helplessness though is that it doesn’t last. For some people its hard for them to believe that. Sometimes the feeling of helplessness can go on so long its hard to remember what hope and happiness feels like, so when we finally got a few smiles out of my friend, when she finally started to show some happiness and especially now just a week later where she is basically her old happy self, so far as people with severe mental disabilities can be, the feeling of helplessness is replaced by a joy that can not be described.

I just wish there was more I could do!

Diary #2 : Destruction of my Confidence Part 1

So three things have happened in the last month or so that have completely destroyed any positive work I’ve done in the last year to gain a little bit of confidence and try to find happiness within myself.

I’ve decided to write three separate blogs about the incidents because they are kind of long stories and also three very different blows to my confidence that deserve to have the time taken to explain them in full.

Continue reading Diary #2 : Destruction of my Confidence Part 1

WoW Diary Entry #3 : Interaction is kind of a bitch!

I promised a big panic attack about joining Guilds and so on so beware! Gobirella gets panicky about invitations and being in crowds.

Don’t worry it also has a load of hand waving away what we’ve been doing in the last week but it’ll mainly be about interaction.

Continue reading WoW Diary Entry #3 : Interaction is kind of a bitch!