Tag Archives: Depression

Hi!

Hi, so we haven’t been around and that makes us sad.

Truth is a truck load of really bad things have been going on in my life and we just haven’t had time to think about this. I’ve been streaming a bunch on my Twitch stream as a way to block it all out and not feel bad playing video games but to be honest….

Life just sucks.

As you might know I caught COVID in March and have had to take time off work nearly every month since. Every month I’ve had to borrow money to make it to the end of the next, each month getting closer to not being able to pay essential bills and needing to borrow more.

This month I finally reached that point.

Not only that but I now don’t have my family to turn to and also have three months to find somewhere else to live, which is just a tad difficult when this month I still have £100 of bills to pay with £7 in my bank.

That is why I’m begging anyone who comes across this and ever enjoyed a single thing I did to give as little as you can to help me slowly raise the money to be able to survive what has turned out to be one of the worst months of my life.

This money isn’t going towards anything but my bills.

For the rest of March I will be streaming daily for at least a hour every day. One single donation of ANY size will let you pick a game for a stream (as long as I obviously own it) but I will also let people name characters, places etc, pick memes to be shown on our pre-show and even maybe other things if I can think of them.

I will only be sharing this or talking about it in August tho I might keep the Ko-fi page up after and I hate begging but I just can’t afford to live anymore.

So if anything I’ve ever done has made you smile and you have spare mons to give anything is appreciated.

https://ko-fi.com/awerka89

https://www.twitch.tv/awerka89

https://streamlabs.com/awerka89/tip

Diary #37 : Sickness and Sleep

There is a very good reason I’m writing this nonsense right now.

One thing I hate is napping, I have extreme time anxiety and get very anxious and depressed when I waste time during the day napping. The same happens if I wake up late. Therefore being sick is the worst thing in the world for me as all I want to do is nap and nap is all I’ve been doing.

Continue reading Diary #37 : Sickness and Sleep

Diary #36 : COVID-19 and update

So I really have to apologise but we have got super behind on everything right at the end of the season at that.

Thing is I’ve been super sick basically since the impact of COVID-19 (Coronavirus) hit the UK a week and a bit ago. At one point I was very worried I had caught it but it became obvious I probably just had a sore throat that because I have a bad immune system and get sicker then most when I get sick, and find I catch everything going, just managed to absolutely destroy me in the last week and a bit.

That isn’t a excuse to why things got behind, they were getting that way before I even got sick. That is down to depression and the fact that panic buying had already started up and the stress of work was weighing heavy on me.

I still have a few days of self isolation left and I’m being told that for mental health reasons I might want to take a few more days off but that is personal stuff I don’t need to go into, the reason I bring it up is because I need to try and focus now on regaining some of the momentum I brought into this year.

So the update part of this is basically to let you all know that I will be slowly, hopefully getting back up to date. The stupid thing is I have drafts of so many shows DONE ready to be posted but it is finding that little bit of strength to log in and do stuff as my anxiety and depression leave me basically a potato incapable of doing much.

Below is the COVID-19 stuff…

Continue reading Diary #36 : COVID-19 and update

Diary #35 : Another update + A proper end to the Anxiety Experiment

So I’ve been a bit of a bad but I’m trying to sort that out.

You might think I’ve put streaming before the website but that isn’t really true. I mean yeah I have been streaming a whole bunch when I might of wanted to be writing but there is a reason.

I’m going to go into that in a minute but because it is now a big part of my week and we are now kind of pretend trying to get to 50 followers just to see if we can I’ll put the link not only to our Twitch page but now our brand spanking new Discord server right here.

Twitch : https://www.twitch.tv/awerka89

Discord : https://discord.gg/yTTvzw

The update part of this is that I have notes, first drafts and all sorts of EVERYTHING (nearly) that needs to be updated. I just need to sit down and write it all out. Pet has been delayed because I didn’t realise that I had totally forgotten to get the week before lasts review out, I don’t think it was even written. Everything else will be out ASAP.

Doctor Who and Inside No. 9 I’m only just getting up to date with so I’ve been avoiding Amanda’s reviews to avoid spoilers (I know a bad way of doing things but I’ve been super excited about both shows but had no time to watch them) they will 100% be out TODAY.

This weeks stuff I will hopefully get working on tomorrow and the weekend.

I will try and balance streaming and writing much better going forward, with new hours at work which will hopefully make me a little more motivated that shouldn’t be too hard, I’ll have a proper schedule a week in advance for streaming too which I’ll post in Discord. If not this month next month I’m hoping to have emotes on Discord too.

Below is a reason why I’ve been streaming more but please feel free to follow us and join us on the Discord. It isn’t just about streaming and gaming we have channels for all sorts so we’d like you to join in and hang out with us.

Continue reading Diary #35 : Another update + A proper end to the Anxiety Experiment

Diary #34 : Pain. The Real Enemy.

So you might have noticed we did really well for a couple weeks and then last week everything just went to pot.

As always there is a reason and hopefully as this week rolls on it’ll stop being a reason that everything is held up and just disappear from my life for good. That reason is pain and I’ll explain a little about it below.

Continue reading Diary #34 : Pain. The Real Enemy.

Diary #30 : Depression doesn’t stop for the holidays!

I very much hope that every single one of you had a lovely Christmas and getting to have a lazy Boxing Day. For those who had to work I hope people treat/ed you with respect and it went well and for those who celebrate other holidays or nothing at all I hope you just had a good day!

Whilst it is easy to think that for one day a year people can just turn off their feelings and get in the Christmas mood that just doesn’t happen.

Continue reading Diary #30 : Depression doesn’t stop for the holidays!

Diary #29 : Depression and Depressed aren’t the same thing…

So usually these posts are inspired by something that has happened to me. I like sharing the stories and how I feel because it makes me feel better when I’m down knowing others go through what I do and I’m not alone, I’m not broken because I feel this way I just have to keep fighting.

This time I guess it is and isn’t inspired by anything.

On the one hand it is something I’ve noticed in my life and on the other it is just something that popped into my head.

Being depressed doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve been through depression and depression isn’t the same as being depressed….

Continue reading Diary #29 : Depression and Depressed aren’t the same thing…

Diary #28 : Sometimes Strangers Help…

Sometimes life can be miserable, there can be a problem that has been a problem for so long that those around you are just fed up of hearing about it and have views on the matter that mean you can no longer just talk about a situation because their response is based on a long standing feeling from months and months of trying and helping you.

It can be lonely.

It can suck balls.

Honestly it can be one of the loneliest part of life.

Continue reading Diary #28 : Sometimes Strangers Help…

Diary #27 : What to do when you just don’t want to be you anymore?

It is a serious question I’ve had to try and figure out this week, as my depression hits harder then it has all year (I’ve probably said it before but I’ll back this up in a moment) I just find myself sitting there asking why I had to be me?

Why can’t I be someone else?

Continue reading Diary #27 : What to do when you just don’t want to be you anymore?