So I said in my Playlist that I’d write a little bit about what is going on so here is what is going on.
So I kind of mentioned a few times now that I was having surgery this week to have a Branchial Cyst removed from my neck. As you can tell with me here writing this I survived with nothing major wrong with me.
I’ve decided to write a blog about it and follow ups with photos and recovery stuff because I couldn’t find much about it online at all and its bloody scary at times thinking about it. There won’t be any photos in this one so if you are squirmish you don’t have to worry.
So I had my pre-op appointment today and some weird things happened to me and I made a big decision in my life knowing full well it is never going to be the same again after next week anyway so I’ll kind of explain as much as I can below and hope you all forgive me for being absolute shit for the next few weeks.
I probably have in the past gone into depth about what Wrestling means to me but after following Mark Hainsworth on Twitter its made me think deeply once more about not only what wrestling means to me but what the community has done for me too.
Honestly would recommend a follow to Mark on Twitter as he, along with a few others, are trying to build a positive and welcoming wrestling community on Twitter.
I’ve never kept it a secret that I work in retail. Always have. When people know how bad my depression and anxiety are they tend to be surprised to hear it but I’m also a people person deep DEEP down and I quite like retail. It isn’t always as bad as people make it out to be.
Then again I was raised to be polite to people, to remember that everyone makes mistakes so you should be kind and having depression and anxiety means I’m fully aware that you NEVER EVER can tell how the person you are talking to feels at that moment so you treat them the way YOU want to be treated, you smile and you are just, in general, nice.
When did it stop being so easy to be nice?
This isn’t like a really depressing blog post or anything I just couldn’t come up with a fancy title, which is kind of 2017 summed up.
Just going to take this moment to talk about some ups and downs of he last year and were we as a group and me personally are planning on going in 2018.
As someone who struggles with suicide on a daily basis its important to remind everyone that they aren’t alone. I can’t promise anything will get better but sharing how you feel always helps. Please before you do anything get in touch with someone, you really aren’t the only person feeling that way and you can get help.
Samaritans – 116 123 or you can e-mail them at firstname.lastname@example.org
Childline – 0800 1111
Papyrus – 0800 068 41 41 or e-mail them at email@example.com
Depression doesn’t care about who you are or what you have in your life and it can be the loneliest feeling in your life. You can be surrounded by people, have everything you think you want and be comfortable in life and still suffer worse then words can describe and that is OK. It is more then OK to feel the way you do no matter who you are and never let anyone tell you different.
Everyone feels like there is no hope or no way out, everyone feels alone and sad. When you have depression its difficult to find the first step out of the situation and you can get stuck there, this is where people without depression fail to understand you but its absolutely normal to feel that way, there is nothing selfish about how you feel and reaching out to people who feel the way you do or are there to help really does make you realise you aren’t alone.
Plus you can always get in touch with me if you need someone to talk to. You might feel like you are alone but you really aren’t. Please remember to reach out and never let anyone make you believe how you feel isn’t normal or OK. You are perfectly normal and you deserve to be happy.
For some people nothing is going to stop them being the happy positive wonderful humans they are. That’s all good and well for you. Today, or just recently I guess, I’m sick of people telling me that I’m too negative and that if I just Lived in the Moment I’d be much happier.
Just because it works for you it doesn’t mean its going to work with someone like me.
The news of Chester Bennington losing his fight against depression this week has been hard to take. Linkin’ Park has always been one of those many bands that got me through my teenage years of abuse and bullying and in my adult life their songs still get through to me at the toughest of times. I’m not saying I was their biggest fan, they are one of many MANY bands that were around in those tough teenage years which stick around my playlists because they mean a lot to me.
I’m sorry if this sounds heartless but after news like this there is a outpouring online of people telling us that we are not alone and sending us numbers we can phone if we ever feel like we are but once the pain of the death dies down the talk of depression and mental illness in general becomes one no one wants to have again.
If you really want us not to be alone you’d stop treating our illness like its not important.
A very tough weekend looks only to get worse as the week goes on and as the emotional stress continues to build my mind has gone into self destruct and my worst qualities are coming to the forefront in a very explosive way.