Category Archives: Real Life

Diary #15 : How not to talk to other humans….

I don’t think people get just how badly anxiety can effect you. For instance I can come across as unfriendly, anti-social or shy because my anxiety effects my speech. Similarly when I try too hard I can come across as annoying, overly sarcastic and a bit of a bitch.

There isn’t a middle ground for me because I suck so bad at communicating with other humans.

Continue reading Diary #15 : How not to talk to other humans….

Diary #14 : The Tale of the Hedgehog…

So everyone has small triggers when it comes to anxiety and one of mine is sound,

Its strange, its such a random thing you might think, but since I was a child I’ve always been scared of the strangest of sounds. I’m partially deaf but I’m actually able to HEAR a spider in my room before I see it, thunder terrifies me even though I love lightening (which is the actual dangerous part of a thunderstorm) and I hate being in public places without headphones or someone with me else I constantly believe people are talking to me, about me or laughing at me.

So let me tell you how a hedgehog last night buggered up my day today….

Continue reading Diary #14 : The Tale of the Hedgehog…

Diary #13 : Obsession…

So I have a bit of a obsessive personality. Its not something I can help, if I like something I want to know everything about it right at that moment and fill my head with it. My best work is done when I’m going through a obsessive phase with something. My many long years obsession with the racing driver Bruno Senna for example gave me many wonderful moments creating things for a fan site for him, my obsession over Domhnall Gleeson made me want to watch Star Wars a few times which led me to writing my most popular fic on Ao3 and so on and so forth.

When they are like that its fine. It makes me productive. I want to watch every single Adrien Brody film ever? I’ll go do that and write about them or get ideas from the movies of other things to write about.

When its a real life thing though…. Well that’s when I flounder.

Continue reading Diary #13 : Obsession…

Update…

So you might have noticed that we’ve gone super quiet recently and I have at least had a few people who know that I’m meant to have had a lot of wrestling reviews up in the last few weeks comment on where they are.

First thing I want to say is it is all my fault. Lucius, who is the only other member of the team who is available to do anything, has done everything he can. Unfortunately I do need to edit his blogs as he has a lot of problems writing so it is my job to edit themΒ before they go out. Everything he was meant to review has been reviewed and the blogs are just piling up on me for which I apologise to him and those who read his reviews.

The reason I’m so behind is that I had a bit of a health scare, my GP made me feel like I was about to be diagnosed with cancer and it played on my mind. Its hard to write when you feel like you are close to having some terrible news handed down to you, thankfully I found out last week its actually something else which I’m going to have to have surgery on. If it was JUST that I might have been OK with the editing at least.

BUT…

My mental health has been playing up ridiculously recently. I might have talked about it before but I have a obsessive personality where I become all consumed with something. AGAIN that might not have made much of a distraction for me if it had been with a TV show or something like that as it usually is, in fact it might have produced some random blogs out of it, but its something in my personal life with a real life person so its something that I find hard to take my mind off of. That has the knock on effect of messing around with my depression which means I’ll black out for hours on end after being motivated to work and doing a good hour or so of it and when I finally come to I’m so unmotivated its unbelievable.

Of course this then snowballs. At first it was just anime stuff I needed to catch up with THEN I went to a wrestling show then another and another and the WCPW blogs were just piling up too. I look at my drafts right now and I feel sick thinking about it all BUT I do have a lot of time on my hands this week and hoping to finish it all. Tonight I hope to get Lucius’s blogs at least edited so he can look at them, I have done two of the many wrestling blogs I just need to add photos to them and I will over the next 24 hours catch up with MY anime and start the ball rolling on those blogs.

Again I am sorry to Lucius who has taken time out of his life to write what he needed to write and I’m making him look like a asshole.

I’m sorry to anyone expecting my PWA or Pride reviews and being seriously disappointed that they haven’t shown up.

I really am sorry to James who I agreed I would do the WCPW reviews for and never did them.

I had gotten myself last month in a place where I had ideas for loads of things and was starting to piece weekly stuff together and all sorts and its just all crumbled into nothing as it always tends to do on here, I do hope that my mind will settle again, after all my crushes never last for long and my brain always reverts to reminding myself to focus on things I actually can do after a while.

Hopefully in the next few weeks the page will be busy every day once more.

Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…

I’ve been told that no matter how comfortable you are being alone the majority of your life there will at least be one moment where you wish that you could fit in, you did fit in or you wanted to fit in.

As one of those annoying people who do and don’t everything (I do want friends, but I don’t want friends, I do want to go out with people and I don’t want to leave my house, I do want to talk to someone but I’d rather poke my eyes out then do so….) I can agree with that but I also know I’m unusual in general.

So the question becomes is it actually important to “fit in” and what does that even mean?!

Continue reading Diary #11 : The Question of Fitting in…

Diary #10 : I don’t believe it…

It won’t surprise anyone to know I’m a introvert. I’m one of those really annoying types who wants to have loads of friends and feel involved but the second someone takes pity on me and tries to include me in anything I shy away from it because its too much.

I hate going outside, I hate having to communicate with people and I hate remembering that there is a world outside of the fantasy ones I create in my head.

With all my many problems both socially and just in general, if you come across these blogs and read about me you might think I’d be a easy introvert to pick out of a crowd. Yet the one thing I hear ALL the time is that people just don’t believe I’m a introvert.

Its bloody annoying too!

Continue reading Diary #10 : I don’t believe it…