So I really have to apologise but we have got super behind on everything right at the end of the season at that.
Thing is I’ve been super sick basically since the impact of COVID-19 (Coronavirus) hit the UK a week and a bit ago. At one point I was very worried I had caught it but it became obvious I probably just had a sore throat that because I have a bad immune system and get sicker then most when I get sick, and find I catch everything going, just managed to absolutely destroy me in the last week and a bit.
That isn’t a excuse to why things got behind, they were getting that way before I even got sick. That is down to depression and the fact that panic buying had already started up and the stress of work was weighing heavy on me.
I still have a few days of self isolation left and I’m being told that for mental health reasons I might want to take a few more days off but that is personal stuff I don’t need to go into, the reason I bring it up is because I need to try and focus now on regaining some of the momentum I brought into this year.
So the update part of this is basically to let you all know that I will be slowly, hopefully getting back up to date. The stupid thing is I have drafts of so many shows DONE ready to be posted but it is finding that little bit of strength to log in and do stuff as my anxiety and depression leave me basically a potato incapable of doing much.
Below is the COVID-19 stuff…
I basically just want to make sure everyone who reads this, anyone who we’ve interacted with or who shows up and reads our stupid shit is safe!
It is hard at the moment. So many things are up in the air, no one really knows what is going on and everyone is in a state of panic which isn’t helped by the fact that things like Lockdowns are in place. I personally have never been in a Lockdown so watching Boris Johnson announce one the other day was kind of scary.
Whilst it goes without saying I hope none of you catch it and that you all stay safe I always want to look at it through a mental health way.
For me, as you all know, I have so many forms of anxiety that I barely go through a day without panicking about my own shadow. I’ve avoided learning too much about COVID-19 as I knew the second that I did I would think I had it, when I then got ill just as the whole thing blew up here in the UK of course I probably became more ill then I would have been panicking about whether it was COVID-19 or not.
As I said above I’m pretty sure it wasn’t and if it was then I got better.
Or a little better at least, I’m still pretty sick and my sleep schedule has been messed up beyond words thanks to being sick (and a little bit because my favourite Streamer has been streaming from 8pm to about 5am every day…) which sends my anxiety and depression into overdrive. Add on top of that everything to do with being in a Lockdown and I’m a boiling pit of anxiety ready to explode at any moment.
I want to go back to work, I can’t live on £94 a week and it is too late for me to use holiday to get back the two weeks I’ve been sick for, I also know that I’m not well enough right now to guarantee that I CAN go back. Not only that but I don’t know whether people WANT me to come back.
Today I got up at 11am, 2 hours earlier then the day before.
I looked outside and it was so sunny, I felt totally useless.
Today I very much realised after my therapist touched bases with me that of course the thought of getting this virus is very real but our mental health is suffering because of it. Social distancing (in the social way not so much being close physically to people) is hard, being self isolated is taking its toll and I can’t be the only one. I’m stressed about losing money, stressed about doing the right thing for me and my health and stressed about everything I possibly could be.
Therefore I think it is important that we all touch base with each other and make sure not only are we safe but that we are doing well mentally too.
Have you had enough water today? Have you stretched and done something a little productive?
I feel like keeping a fun diary might be good for the Lockdown period to try and keep your mind active.
These are tough times but we must all be there for each other and do our best to keep our minds active and out of dark places, which is hard enough without putting the pressure to do so in the middle of a pandemic.
Let me know what you are doing during Lockdown in the comments and of course let us know if you are doing OK!