Escape Rooms (2017)

With the trend of Escape Rooms starting to spread it was only a matter of time before the horror genre jumped on board. With films like Saw in the past proving that this kind of film could work I was expecting something interesting from Escape Rooms.

Not going to lie, it was disappointing as hell.

It was Saw with none of the build, none of the intelligence or none of the story telling.

All of the characters were extremely plain and boring, not a single stand out performance from any of them. Their stories were told in the sloppiest and most ridiculous of ways but we were never given a reason to care about Natasha and Tyler’s affair, with the lack of any kind of emotion on her face there was no reason to feel for Christen at all whilst Conrad and Tabby were a waste of space only there to fulfill a unneeded “sex” quota and instead only really worth being in the film for their deaths.

Which were the first two deaths, or one seeing they died together, and the only one worth watching.

Escape Rooms is everything that ended up being WRONG with Saw.

Nonsensical deaths for the sake of it, no actual reasoning behind anything and no actual escape for anyone.

Whilst it all centered around the group solving puzzles it became easy to predict what was going to happen very early on and whilst you couldn’t actually solve any the puzzles because they were ridiculous and how even the people in the show managed is beyond me, and I love a good puzzle trust me, you could guess that this person was about to die and pretty much how they were going to die very early on because THEY BASICALLY SIGN POSTED IT CONSTANTLY A GOOD 5 MINUTES BEFORE IT HAPPENED!

There was even a big bad guy who we know NOTHING about still after watching the entire film. He even manages to stalk the other friend, the one who didn’t go to the Escape Rooms but instead went to a “sexy party” because of course if having Christen in a cage totally naked for no reason wasn’t enough, if we didn’t get the awkward flirting between Tabby and Conrad we obviously needed fuzzy shots of another character we’d completely forgotten totally naked at some sort of orgy at the end of the movie.

Of course we bloody did.

I sat through the Bunnyman Massacre once, maybe twice if I decide to review this one for Halloween too, and I found at least reasons to REWATCH it if I ever wanted to. That was unintentionally hilarious with its bad acting, terrible plot and the worlds worst rape scene but this doesn’t even have the it was so bad it ended up being something you’ll always remember.

This was just garbage.

Of course I brought this thinking that it was a good movie only to find out like Friend Request, one of my favourite modern horror films, it actually had the same name as another film that came out at a similar time.

Go figure.

So just make sure you buy the right one guys and girls because this is a giant waste of your time and money.

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