I very much hope that every single one of you had a lovely Christmas and getting to have a lazy Boxing Day. For those who had to work I hope people treat/ed you with respect and it went well and for those who celebrate other holidays or nothing at all I hope you just had a good day!
Whilst it is easy to think that for one day a year people can just turn off their feelings and get in the Christmas mood that just doesn’t happen.
Personally I feel bad because I spent the day, and spending today, with my sister and her kids. We played games, had a nice dinner, watched our favourite TV show (10th Kingdom) and some movies before watching The Great British Bake Off and sending the kids to bed.
The entire day though my mind was somewhere else. I was glued to my phone hoping to get a taste of something I really wanted. I kind of got it, kind of didn’t and in the end I just made myself slowly more and more upset. My depression wouldn’t turn off, my anxiety wouldn’t stop and my mind just ran in circles as I went from one situation to another in my head making myself miserable in the process.
I was lucky that this year I spent it with someone though. Last year I spent it on my own and the one thing that upset me most couldn’t have happened so I had a alright day but if I had spent my day on my own yesterday there is no telling what I would have done on my own.
Other people aren’t so lucky.
Sometimes this time of year is the worst.
All the happy people, that underlying feeling that you should be happy just because “tis the season.” A horrible feeling that you are somehow more broken then you first thought because who is miserable on Christmas Day? All those horrible feelings, terrible habits that you can’t stop yourself doing and know it makes you sound like a psycho but it can’t be stopped are even worse when you do it on Christmas Day. It doesn’t help that the “season” now lasts from about August all the way till December 25th so you can’t get away from it. Everyone is slowly building up to, even on the smaller scale, a day of just eating till you explode and drinking more then you do all year round.
I feel miserable even though I know I shouldn’t.
Depression doesn’t stop because the holidays show up so be gentle with those who might be delicate and be understanding even if you can’t understand. As always spread love not sadness and remember that feelings you take for granted was probably all these people wanted for Christmas and a lot of them just wouldn’t have been able to obtain them.