“Monokurōmu no Nagai Yoru”(モノクロームの長い夜)
I honestly don’t even know how to start talking about this episode I really don’t….
You might not like me for this but I’m gonna say it anyway. I like that it kind of shows how teenagers with PTSD can react in the wrong way without help and treatment. I don’t know if the show wanted to show that or just wanted to make every single character miserable, abused and psychotic but I kind of like that every character, even now Shio, has a backstory full of suffering that you can kind of then understand why they’ve ended up this way.
Even the manager in the first episode whilst not abused you could understand.
You see I like TV shows on murderers and stuff, all those types of documentaries. I like them because I couldn’t imagine kidnapping someone, murdering someone or killing them. I can enjoy media based on this type of story and whilst my generation I think is always going to be a little desensitized to it all I get the impact of death in TV shows and games. I like watching documentaries because whilst I can watch a TV show with a fictional serial killer in it I couldn’t imagine them being real so watching shows that tell us they are real and this is how they did it, think and act scares me but fascinates me too.
Its difficult to explain I guess, I tried the other day and think I failed miserably.
This is exactly what it is like.
Satou and Taiyou have become how they are for reasons. Do these reasons excuse their weird behaviour? Of course they don’t but it makes them more real to have these reasons. Again I don’t know if they were written that way for that purpose or just because suffering and depressing subjects sell but for me its why they are more interesting then just some random perverts that want to fill a hole in their life with a little girl. We know exactly what happened to Taiyou and I think it makes sense if you feel dirty after being abused by a elder then going to someone younger to touch you and purify you is a… I hate to use the word but logical step. It isn’t the right one and the way he acts and the things he says really makes you think that he’ll take it too far but it makes sense he’d come to that conclusion. Similarly the love you usually feel for people younger then you isn’t a romantic love its a family type of love, Satou seems to have possibly had her emotions manipulated as a kid, I struggle to describe the snippets we’ve seen to be honest, to the point she thinks the love she has for Shio is the romantic type because it feels sweet when in fact its more like a sister love or a aunt and niece love. Because she’s never had positive reinforcement with her feelings, which lead to her going after guys to fill a hole in her life, she’s going about everything wrong. Again its very logical. Even if it isn’t right.
I keep saying it but I don’t know if the writers wanted that to come over but I think its good that at least its coming over that way to me.
I said in the last review that Taiyou’s issues are actually ones that are desperately needed to be represented and the fall out of telling guys to “man up” or just not believing them will lead to them taking out their repressed feelings in ways like this. AGAIN it isn’t a excuse but its a problem society has created with the whole “men shouldn’t cry” and “men can’t be abused” views that lead to really horrible things happening. I can see the logic behind how he became who he is very clearly and unfortunately you read about people, no necessarily coming out and abusing little kids, who were abused later on doing horrible things to other people and a lot of it will be the damage done by the abuse that was never even attempted to be fixed.
I get Satou pretty well because I struggle with people due to my upbringing. Again I’d never do what she did but I get that feeling of having a hole you want to fill and finding something and going the wrong way about filling that hole with a square block that doesn’t really fit it but you’ll make yourself believe it does. I did it with the guy I had a crush on, I wrote extensively about how he wasn’t a square block he was in fact the circle I was looking for, its a horrible feeling when you don’t necessarily understand feelings at all. I wouldn’t kidnap him, I did joke about it but that’s because I have a terrible sense of humour, I’d never kidnap anyone. I didn’t, even though he seems to think I did, make his life difficult. I tried to be normal whilst dying inside because I thought he was the root of my happiness when in actual fact he was just another person and my main problem is just not understanding emotions at 29.
Overall I think I’m enjoying it more because I’m looking way more into it then I should.
Its similar with Shio, last review I said that she seemed the odd one out being happy to be kidnapped and not really showing any signs of wanting to leave. It turns out that she seems to have come from a abusive family and whilst I don’t know if Ashai is her brother or something else she seemingly has forgotten her mother figure who is guiding her a little bit and just blocked everything out.
So again because of her abuse she’s latched on with Satou because its safety.
Again blacking out memories and all that is a real life thing with abuse, I can’t remember big chunks of my childhood because of the abuse I had at the hands of my dad and I’ve become overly trusting of people because I’m looking for that connection that most people have with their parents and I never did.
I think my point is…
Because I’ve had a shitty life this anime for some reason is speaking volumes to me about what abuse does to young people and makes me scared for the person I could have become if I guess social anxiety and depression hadn’t hit me first. I’m looking way too much into it but I kind of can’t help it. Whilst it might just be a anime about destruction and shitty people at least for now I can kind of understand the characters a little. I didn’t really mean this to become some sort of essay on why I understand the characters and I’ll probably get a load of shit for what I’ve written but this is how I feel coming out of episode 3.