Its been a crazy week if I’m honest but I’m not too sure I want to put too much of it into words so again I’ll try but most of this will be a cop out.
Reckless Tongue – Airways
Stepped in smooth but I tripped on the door
I tried to catch your eye but I’m not so sure
If I did or not
I’ve got to down this drink I’ve got
So I can go to the bar
I just like this lyric. I don’t think it has much to do with this week but it kinda sums up how I view social situations. Like you walk in to them feeling good and then something happens (the “trip on the door”) and suddenly you just are completely unsure of yourself.
I’ve got a reckless tongue
What are you bothering me for
It’s gonna look bad on you
This probably does have something to do with this week if I’m honest with you. I mean I just blurt things out when I know I should just keep my mouth shut. Kinda my big problem.
I’ve got a big old gun
What are you laughing at me for
It’s gonna look bad on… you
Hmmmm…. No I don’t have a gun and I probably don’t have a “gun” gun but I like the lyric.
Take It – Teacup Monster
But not dead
It feels great to walk again
(Come and try to stop me)
I feel like this after all the drama has finally ended. Someone once told me that I’m stronger then I think because something that is a small thing to anyone else ends up being a super giant thing to me yet I manage to get through it even though it effects me much more.
Don’t want to sound like a moaning git or anything or saying “I have it worse” it was what someone said to me and I don’t really think that way usually but after this week I kind of realise I do take normal every day things wrong just because of my social and paranoid anxiety.
You take it or leave it, you take it or leave it
It’s all the best we have
You take it or leave it, you take it or leave it
It’s simply who we are
Pretty much what I’ve come to realise.
Gotta Let You Go – Hollywood Undead
THIS. WHOLE. SONG.
I mean I’ve known OF Hollywood Undead because a friend on Facebook absolutely adores them. Never actually listened to them but OH MY GOD THIS SONG.
I just want a life that seems a little better than a dream
But I just can’t seem to get on my feet
So I gotta let go, gotta let go, gotta let go
I’ll hope someday that you will know
Like it speaks words to me this week. I’ve had to let go of one dream completely which is fine but no matter how much I try I can’t seem to get up onto my own feet and just get out there and do what needs to be done.
One day I will though.
I sit back and think about the life I’ve had
So much to change, but I can’t go back
What happened to that kid? He used to play in the street
I think about that kid, he looked just like me
Had a smile, had a home, never grow old
When we grow up, do we have to grow cold?
Spent his whole life looking for salvation
Never realized nobody could save him
So all these words, for what they’re worth
I know it’s hard, I know it hurts
And we laugh at the past ’cause it’s how we learn
Welcome to the world, now let’s watch it burn
Again a while back I did the weekly question and had to do this as a thought exercise and I do go back to wondering a lot about the changes in my life or else what changes I’d make. When I was a kid I thought by 30 I’d have at least moved out of home, hell I thought I’d have done that by 18 but here I still am at home. Kinda feel sorry for my bubby self.
Is he still chasing after these same old dreams?
I know that I’ll never reach perfection
At least he could point me in the right direction
Some grow old, and some grow cold
They’d sell their souls for a heart of gold
God only knows where the hell would I be
If I had the old me sitting beside me
Oh man do I want this. I’d love to know if I do end up happy. It would make the sad times better. Like seriously I wouldn’t want to know when I died or something like that but I’d quite like to know if I did some of the things that I said I’m going to do, if I succeed or not and I whether I ever find love. I don’t know why that is so important to me right now but it is.
Man I love this song.
Three Lions (It’s Coming Home) – Baddiel, Skinner & The Lighting Seeds
If you haven’t heard… Its Coming Home… Probably.
Yes its World Cup fever in the UK and whilst I don’t support England and I’m not going to start pretending I do because I come from England and we’re, probably, gonna win it for only the second time BUT I quite like how its brought everyone together. It’s Coming Home is more like a greeting then anything else right now, everyone is happy, everyone is singing…
We have absolute dick heads being absolute dick heads in the name of celebrating, that dude from Plymouth that jumped on a car… Just so happened to be my former next door neighbours grandson who is a bit of a idiot in general…
But It’s Coming Home.
Plus it got stuck in my head after a manager blasted it over the speaker system at work on Saturday. It wasn’t stuck in there for long because Your God and My God from last week is still rolling around constantly in there but still.
It’s Coming Home.
So yes I have a very busy week ahead I will TRY and get on top of everything as well. I have all my afternoons free so I’m going to try as hard as I can.
I think that is one of the things I like about working mornings. I know in the ideal world I’ll be going to bed earlier but I don’t think it’ll be too bad. I mean the big problem this week is going to be the weather, I’m suffering in the heat as I sweat a lot and get dehydrated and very tired in this heat. Even with going bed earlier I’ll probably have about 3pm-10pm free compared to getting home about 10pm tired and going to bed at about 12pm (not sleep just bed) but not actually doing anything in those 2 hours and then wake up with like 10 minutes to leave for work the next day.
Hopefully I’ll get things done but I’m doing like every day so we’ll see.