My Life as a Playlist Week 18

Another boring week on the sick so another boring week. So I’ve cast the net out a little and tried to put some of my feelings in general into it.

Say Amen – Panic! at the Disco

So yes there are a few things that kinda hit a note I guess in this one. First off…

Been traveling in packs that I can’t carry anymore
Been waiting for somebody else to carry me
There’s nothing else there for me at my door
All the people I know aren’t who they used to be

Not completely true, I don’t really carry anyone but I do sometimes feel like people I’ve met in the last few years take advantage of me and my good nature and the people I used to rely on I’ve moved away from. When I feel bad I know I can’t turn to anyone because whilst they might reply for a few minutes they’ll change the subject pretty fast because it just isn’t important to them but I’m expected to always be part of their drama.

And if I try to change my life one more day
There would be nobody else to save
And I can’t change into a person I don’t wanna be, so

Again not completely of course but I feel like I tried really hard to fit into a different group and thought that I had kinda got there but realised that I’m not really part of that group and to really get into that group I have to change who I am and I don’t feel comfortable doing it.

If I had one more day to wish
If I had one more day
To be better than I could have ever been
If I had one more day to wish
If I had one more day
I could be better, but, baby

Pretty much the only thing I was thinking before my operation that I wish I could just start my life over again knowing what I knew and just live my life fuller. I watch so many films that hit home that you only have one life but I can’t really push myself to live like that even though I know I need too.

So I guess I’m saying… I’ve tried really hard recently to find people to hang out with and be friends with but I haven’t really found them and people I have become friends with… Aren’t really friends. I mean not all the people I know, I have friends but you know. Overall.

Pocket Full of Gold – American Authors

Not really sure why I’ve picked this one actually I just really like it. Like some of the things they say they need aren’t things I would put in but a lot of it is…

All I need is a head full of hope
And a love and a home and a car and a loan
And I wish I had a pocket full of gold

All I need is a laugh and a drink and a couch and a shrink
And a moment to think
And I wish I had a pocket full of gold

Like obviously I want a home but a car and a loan no. Its just life though isn’t it? You just want hope, love, laughter and time to think about things without someone pouring their opinion or something in your head.

There are a lot of things in the song that I just found myself going yeah actually that is all I need.

Then I love the line…

So throw your sticks and throw your stones
‘Cause you ain’t gonna break my bones

Because sometimes that is how I feel, like I don’t care if people think I’m strange for how I feel about things, the way my brain works or the things I’m obsessed with. Its just their opinion against mine and these things make me happy. I mean I have a list of things that make me happy with stupid things like Adam Pacitti, my crush’s smile, watching bad wrestling matches on it so you know.

Someone To You – Banners

Come on the title gives it all away.

I just wanna be somebody to someone, oh
I wanna be somebody to someone, oh
I never had nobody and no road home
I wanna be somebody to someone

And if the sun’s upset and the sky goes cold
Then if the clouds get heavy and start to fall
I really need somebody to call my own
I wanna be somebody to someone
Someone to you
Someone to you
Someone to you
Someone to you

I think deep down most people just want to be someone to someone else. Whether you have someone in mind or not it doesn’t matter, when you meet that person and crave to be their someone it sucks when you know you can’t be but then again not even knowing someone that you’d want to be someone too isn’t really that nice either.

I don’t know which one I’d prefer, maybe being lonely without someone in your life that you would do anything for.

I don’t even need to change the world
I’ll make the moon shine just for your view
I’ll make the starlight circle the room
And if you feel like night is falling
I wanna be the one you’re calling
‘Cause I believe that you could lead the way

There… Exactly.

Glory Days – The Federal Empire

So again I think its just a general thing.

All of my life
I’ve been in this fight
Killing myself

Just to find the light

Telling myself
Everyday I wake
That sacrifice
Is the price I pay

Have to say I’m not 100% these are correct and picked the song this morning and forgot to check them. Yeah, this is just how depression feels I guess. I’m my own worst enemy, I spend most of my life making myself miserable… Yeah. Its life. Just yeah. Yeah.



I think I made it work this week. Another boring week is going to come up next week but I’m back to work the week after so imagine all the heartbreak and stuff when that happens.

To be fair some interesting-ish things have happened this week but they aren’t things I can really talk about so I think this works. Does it work?

Also you might have seen I haven’t run out of music and that is because thankfully I get loads of new songs based on what I listen to on Spotify and I’m always listening to all sorts of random things so that I can have new things to listen to on a Sunday and do this blog so with no help from all you people I have managed to keep this blog alive even though I don’t actually listen to all that music. So again just yeah.


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