As you might be able to tell from my picks this week its been a quiet week all around. I’ve been on sick so haven’t really done much other then sit around feeling sorry for myself.
I always feel sorry for myself.
Rocking All Over the World – Status Quo
I’ll start with something that ended the week. I went to wrestling on Saturday, review to follow in the next week, and of course the wonderful Mr John Harding was there. His entrance music is Rocking All Over the World and whether you like him or not it doesn’t matter the guys music is catchy as hell and everyone sings along.
Harding was the guy that got me to go to wrestling shows in the West Country, he’s always been ridiculously nice to me when I probably don’t deserve it. He’s a great guy. I’ve talked in the past about him going above and beyond what he needed to to reach out to me in times that I needed it and yesterday he came out to see me after I skipped out on the meet and greet because I wasn’t feeling too good.
A very positive influence on my life since 2015 but fuck does this song get stuck in my head every time I hear the fucking thing.
Better of Without You – Mallory Knox
So I took some positive steps this week. Baby steps but still steps. I reached out to try and find SOMETHING. I don’t really know what but I at least found someone that I’ve been able to talk to a lot this week and its made me feel a lot more positive about things.
This song showed up in my weekly recommendations with the verse…
Well, I know it’s all wrong
Just a, weak minded individual
But I can tell you right now
I know I ain’t weak, I aim to get better
But I must admit that I fear I can’t get over it
But time only will tell
I barely feel sad, I rarely feel happy
Pop those pills and settle down
Its true, other then the pills because I’ not even popping pills for the pain I’m still in after my operation, that I don’t think I’m going to get over my crush or anything that goes with it but only time will tell and taking the first step admitting that this whole saga needs to end and I need to move on is a good thing.
I mean the rest of the song pretty much says that they don’t believe they’ll ever get over it which is how I feel but I’m being a little more optimistic then the song.
Trigger – Deaf Havana
You will hear me daily moan about mornings…
So tired, of being tired and drunk and lonely
And I hate myself in the morning
Yeah so much more in the morning
When the guilt swirls in my stomach
And my heart beats through my ears
And all the little things that I ignore, they seem to be more real
That’s basically it. The loneliness and the forced loneliness I have on myself for stupid reasons, how horrible mornings are in general. Its just real hard at times. Not even talking about the crush anymore just in general. Life sucks and its hard to get up in the morning.
My timeline is running out fast
My future will never be my past
And I still can’t work out how to make my money last
And all the things I thought that I could be
Get less and less as each new day begins
This is something that I’ve really been thinking about recently. Its getting to that point in the year where I do start to think about how I’m wasting my life and that I could be so much more if I just tried. I want to be much more positive about the things I could do but I don’t know really how to do it and its getting harder to figure out the new path in my life.
I know I have to leave the job I currently have and move onto something else, move away from what is keeping me down. I just… Don’t know where to start.
Untraveled Road – Thousand Foot Krutch
I’m trying to put a lot of my feelings about my experiences on Reddit into a blog, its coming along but still taking a lot of time. The reason is because I’ve joined a lot of anxiety and depression subreddits and to be honest it has really helped.
Why this song made me thought of that is simply the over all message I got from it.
Hold on for a second, if words can be weapons
Then what I say can effect it, they’re not just words on a record
And I can choose to respect it, or choose to infect it
But once it hits the water, it’s too late to be selective
‘Cause one voice is enough to make sleeping giants wake up
To make armies put their hands up and watch whole nations stand up
It’s one belief, one spark, one faith and one restart
And we can reboot the whole chart before it all falls apart
A lot of the people I’ve talked to and discussions we’ve had have all been about us kind of figuring out a problem and trying to get advice and help before it gets out of hand. The fact that so many people with these problems are now working together to help each other is really nice because I didn’t really have that when I was growing up.
Mental health issues is something that people who suffer with them are no longer hiding because it makes other people feel uncomfortable and the more voices we throw out there, the more we share our experiences and see others with similar experiences the happier and safer we’ll feel as a community of people. I feel like this is all a good step towards us rising up and getting some change to people’s idea of mental illness.
That is the playlist for this week. A little more thought put into it then usual I think but only just. I have two more weeks off sick, or at least a week and a bit as they might put me in for the second week as I’m only off till the Thursday.
Hopefully it’ll give me time to do things but it might mean next weeks playlist is a little on the boring side. Hopefully not though hey?