Wrestlemania 34 Review

Seven hours of Wrestlemania. Seven. Hours.

Why I’m suddenly reviewing it? I mean it is after all the biggest event of the year so we are bound to review it I guess. Plus it’ll make sure I do stay awake for seven whole hours.

ANDRE MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL
Winner : Matt Hardy

Messy but fun. Its a battle royal, there isn’t much to it. Nice to see some great moments for Goldust and Kane, people taking the piss on Twitter about the “young guys” getting a push when Goldie and Kane were eliminating people also celebrating when “youngster” Matt Hardy won. Its a Battle Royal that has meant nothing for the winners each and every year so far so why not have good showings for not only active wrestlers but active wrestlers who are still well loved?

I loved it. Goldie’s dab made the night before it had started. The final three were awesome. Bray joining Matt was amazing. Good match.

CEDRIC ALEXANDER vs MUSTAFA ALI
CRUISERWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : Cedric Alexander

It was a highly entertaining match I just don’t have much love for the Cruiserweight division in general which isn’t their fault.

Mustafa is by far my favourite at the moment in 205 Live though but the two worked so well together. There was only one spot, up on the top corner, that wasn’t super great but other then that it was a high paced and entertaining match. Probably the match of the Pre-Show but that isn’t hard seeing it was sandwiched between two messy but fun Battle Royals.

WOMEN’S WRESTLEMANIA BATTLE ROYAL
Winner : Naomi

Loved the beginning with the whole group eliminating both Carmella and Dana Brooks before actually starting to fight. The NXT group looked a million bucks as did the Riot Squad. Paige and Beth Phoenix were great on commentary too.

Didn’t like that Becky got eliminated off screen to be honest. Only her, Bayley and Sasha got entrances to the ring, the rest of the women had to come down together, so for her to go out and we didn’t even see it I was surprised.

Ending of the match was great. Left with Bayley and Sasha, Sasha goes for the handshake just for Bayley to show a ruthless streak in her and throw her friend out of the ring before being thrown out herself by Naomi who hadn’t actually been eliminated. Great story building for Sasha and Bayley and another wonderful Mania moment for Naomi who deserves it.

SETH ROLLINS vs THE MIZ vs FINN BALOR
INTERCONTINENTAL TITLE MATCH
Winner : Seth Rollins

What a opener to the main show! The entrances were just amazing and the match itself was just crazy good. Three of the top stars on RAW just going at it to steal the show in the first match on the main show.

Loved that Miz came down on his own and tried to win this on his own. Rollins brought a lot of speed and pizzaz to the match, Balor brought the technical side whilst Miz was just sensible and tried to win it on brains. It was fascinating to see them all together in the ring though with two suicide dives one after the other by Rollins I kinda saw what some people say about the fact that they’ve lost their special meaning in matches.

I mean two of the three guys are my favourites so it was always going to be a favourite match of mine.

Cried a little when Rollins kicked out of the Skull Crushing Finale as I really do want Miz to have as many big moments as WWE can give him, I think he’s vastly underrated by fans and he works his ass off for the company.

In the end Rollins wins a amazing match and completes his Grand Slam Championship needs which is actually super cool. Helluva opener.

CHARLOTTE vs ASUKA
SMACKDOWN WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : Charlotte

I don’t get why this isn’t way up the card but I’m also happy I got to see it when I was 100% awake.

It was technical brilliance vs brute strength and athleticism. Two of the absolute top women in the world giving it their all. It was much slower then Charlotte matches usually are as it swung much more in Asuka’s favor, after all Asuka’s offence is to keep it slow and hit extremely hard. It was so amazing to watch.

The Moonsault into the triangle choke was amazing. There was a Suplex from the apron to the floor on Charlotte which looked brutal. Charlotte did a Spanish Fly from the top rope which was terrifying to watch. They pretty much tried to murder each other and it was beautiful, it could have easily main evented this show.

In the end it was a one armed Figure 8 that finally broke the streak and let Charlotte walk out champion. Wonderful moment.

JOHN CENA

So Cena had been front row all night so far, at the end of the match a ref came down to tell him something and he ran off.

BOBBY ROODE vs RUSEV vs JINDER MAHAL vs RANDY ORTON
US CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : Jinder Mahal

I wanted it to be Rusev Day, I was so looking forward to Rusev Day and it started out looking good for Rusev Day until it didn’t… Thankfully Jinder to begin with was mainly just left out of the action which was fine by me.

It was the weakest of the first three matches but I think just that extra man compared to the IC match made it harder to balance the action. It felt really stop start-y and didn’t flow as well, you also had the lackeys for both Rusev and Jinder on the outside. Plus when Randy started to randomly RKO OUTTA NOWHERE people it kind of lost any meaning for if he actually did a cool one and won from it later.

Jinder Mahal won. Says it all really.

TRIPLE H & STEPHANIE MCMAHON vs KURT ANGLE & RONDA ROUSEY
Winners : Kurt Angle & Ronda Rousey

It was a fun match. It was over the top because it had to be having Triple H and Stephanie in it, you have to give props to Stephanie for really trying to highlight just how good Rousey is even if I don’t give two shits about her. Their entrance was nuts, the match wasn’t great but had a good story in it and it came on half way through so its not all bad.

Not sure why the commentators think its a DQ for a tag team partner to drag the ref out of the ring, it never has been as far as I know, and I’m happy that at Mania we got to see Rousey vs Hunter even for a little bit because it breaks that barrier down a little more and shows that Intergender wrestling CAN work, its all about strategy and working to both people’s strengths. NO YOU WILL NOT CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS BECAUSE I’VE SEEN HOW INTERGENDER WRESTLING CAN WORK WITH MY OWN EYES AND I BELIEVE THAT THIS KINDA PROVED IT TOO!

It was too long for a match that had Stephanie in the ring for as long as they did but it was more entertaining then I thought it would be. Still no fan of Rousey though.

NEW DAY vs BLUDGEON BROTHERS vs THE USOS
SMACKDOWN TAG TEAM TITLES
Winners : Bludgeon Brothers

Now this is a match I was looking forward too and I ALWAYS love a New Day entrance which included dancing pancakes.

Didn’t get the point of a No-DQ Tag match that needed tags in it. I just didn’t get the point of the tags if its No-DQ because at the end of the day what is the penalty for being in the ring when you shouldn’t be?

That isn’t the point though because it was just a fantastic match with three of the best tag teams in WWE right now. Rowan and Harper are just monsters, Rowan has improved so much recently and the team with Harper is scary. Felt like the match was way too short specially compared to the one before which was a fun match but should not have been longer then a championship match that has been building the way this one has.

Kinda disappointed to be honest.

JOHN CENA / ELIAS

The best troll ever. We got to hear Elias sing before Cena kicked his ass and walked off being trolled to the last moment before the lights go out a second time and Takers gear is in the ring. Its the most bonkers thing you’ll ever see but it worked so much for Mania.

JOHN CENA vs THE UNDERTAKER
Winner : The Undertaker

John Cena is a fabulous actor, he really played up the terrified of Taker act and got fucking squashed by him. It was fabulous and there is nothing else to say really. Personally THIS should have been last year, Taker should always look this strong. He’s a spectacle and deserves to look this deadly. This whole thing was bonkers but bonkers in the right way.

SHANE MCMAHON & DANIEL BRYAN vs SAMI ZAYN & KEVIN OWENS
Winners : Shane McMahon & Daniel Bryan

Well the match started with Zayn and Owens attacking from behind and the whole “injuring Bryan” story thing which reminded us that Daniel Bryan is the ultimate underdog and will fight back from everything and anything.

Shane vs the other two was great, then we had to wait a little longer for Daniel to get back in the ring but boy were we ready for it when it came.

I have to give it to Shane, I mean sure he doesn’t need the Mania spot and all the rest of it but he really does deliver when he gets in the ring and I’m less unhappy about him taking a spot or joining a tag team for a match at Mania then I am for Stephanie, though I wasn’t too bothered about Stephanie as she actually did really well. It was a bit mean though after we waited for so long for Daniel Bryan to come back to make us wait even longer though I guess it was to make us appreciate it more.

Wasn’t too sure what I wanted the outcome of the match to be if I’m honest but I honestly can’t be sad about Daniel Bryan getting his big moment by getting Zayn to tap to the Yes Lock. What a moment.

ALEXA BLISS vs NIA JAX
RAW WOMEN’S CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : Nia Jax

Nia was on the ball, taking out Mickie James right from the beginning and just brutalizing Bliss until the Goddess of the Women’s division was able to find a opening to Nia’s leg and chop the giant down.

I don’t care what anyone says, Nia really played the emotional side of this so well and whilst the WWE keep pushing her to be a Braun-esque monster and then pulling back on it, which is one problem a lot of people seem to have with her which isn’t her fault, she’s gaining a lot of confidence and improving all the time. She really took the fight to Alexa and it was a fantastic match.

It wasn’t the best match sure but it also wasn’t the worst match, it probably went on after Charlotte/Asuka which was always going to be the better of the two matches because of the length of the show and knowing you need to pace your big matches out and there were A LOT of big matches. Still a great match and wonderful moment for Nia.

SHINSUKE NAKAMURA vs AJ STYLES
WWE CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : AJ Styles

It was the dream match and I’m too drunk and too tired to explain just how good this match was and how sad it was that I was too tired to really enjoy it.

They went out there and proved what we already knew which was that these two are magic and together they would set Mania on fire, it had a little of everything and the two’s personalities really worked well together. How this came on before the tag match I don’t know, its bad enough the man that Nakamura eliminated in the Royal Rumble had a title match in the main event but to be thrown behind a tag match it was sad.

That being said it jointly stole the show with the Charlotte/Asuka match.

Really liked the ending with the reversal into the Styles Clash. It did feel a little flat but I’ve been watching wrestling for 6 hours now and been awake for nearly 20 hours so that’s probably my bad not the matches.

Phenomenal.

After the match Nakamura turning into a dick bag and low belowing AJ was so much better then the absolute respect that Asuka showed Charlotte. Bad guy Nakamura is something I’m happy to see.

THE BAR vs BRAUN STROWMAN & RANDOM CHILD CALLED NICHOLASΒ 
RAW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winners : Braun Strowman & Random Child Called Nicholas

This is when I realised I was too drunk to even know what was going on. The entrances, Braun looking for a random kid in the crowd, the commentators… I just. I can’t.

It was a stupid match and to think this went on after everything else?

Its good I love shitty wrestling.

ROMAN REIGNS vs BROCK LESNAR
UNIVERSAL CHAMPIONSHIP MATCH
Winner : Brock Lesnar

It was a boring as hell match, Roman bled A LOT and Lesnar then won.

I literally have no more energy to pretend that seven hours of wrestling was a bad idea. Main event YAY!

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