My Life as a Playlist Week 13

This week has been strange. It has been up and down and surprisingly surprising. I don’t know if I can sum it up in 4 songs but I’m gonna try.

Just to make it clear it isn’t always songs that lyrics mean something. I was asked on Twitter the other day why sometimes I quote lyrics and write really meaningful things whilst other times I just post a song and that is pretty much it. Like sometimes a song just means something for its own reason whether its from a movie I became obsessed with or like this week a song that I danced too when I went out, sometimes I’ve had a emotional week and its the words of songs that give me meaning… Just don’t think too much about it I guess.

Teenage Dirtbag – Wheatus

It is honestly one of those songs isn’t it?

I mean growing up it came out when I was in my mid-teens and everyone knew it and loved it, whilst I continued to love Wheatus as a band a lot of people treated them like one hit wonders and its kind of just one of those songs.

So I went drinking last night with work and this song came on in one of the clubs, to be fair the club we went too had a LOT of songs that I actually knew so it was much more fun then songs I don’t know, and it was just one of those moments were I let everything go. I knew the words so I could sing along and just didn’t care. It was a good moment and one I might remember for the rest of my life.

Or until mid-week when last night felt like a year ago.

Hellfire – Barns Courtney

Whilst this is one of those times that lyrics actually spoke to me it just probably isn’t in the same way as they were meant too.

Run in an alleyway
Through a dead end street
Murdering promises
That I just can’t keep
We could sing pretty melodies
On the unmade bed
Slow-dancing to a silhouette
Cause I ain’t dead yet

Its a bit of a continuation from last week but I was 100% set on going to the Wedding Reception and I know that I shouldn’t make concrete plans when there is a good chance I’m going to freak out before the event. Bit of a loose cannon when it comes to promises.

I dunno there is just something about the song that made me want to play it on repeat on Saturday when walking to work to keep me motivated to go out later in the night.

I Hate U, I Love U – Gnash

Lets face it I can’t really go a week without mentioning THAT part of my life and this song is one I’ve heard before but never committed to memory until I indulged in Spotify and made a note of it.

I hate you, I love you
I hate that I love you
Don’t want to but I can’t put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you
I hate that I want you
You want her, you need her
And I’ll never be her

That is just my feelings completely. Like I can’t put it better myself. I’ve fallen in love with someone who will just never feel the same way, I can never be the woman he probably wants in his life and other situations just make it impossible even if he did feel that way. I can’t even talk to him as a friend no matter how hard I try. There is just this wall around this whole relationship that I can’t get away from.

Whilst the rest of the song doesn’t apply the chorus literally sums up everything. I hate myself for feeling this way but I can’t help how I feel.

Photograph – Nickelback

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh

Photos and videos of things I do are so important FOR THIS REASON!

I have had a good month as you’ll all know from reading this blog but that doesn’t mean my brain remembers these things. I love having photos and videos of things like my nights out to remind myself that actually I HAVE had a good time and DO enjoy my life.

Its why I do this mood chart thing and why I need to get off my ass and start printing some of these photos off for my depression diary. Depression makes you feel like you’ve never been happy and never will be happy but there are plenty of times when you HAVE been happy you just don’t remember them when you are depressed. OK sometimes looking at the good times isn’t always the best, a healthy dose of anxiety will make you question whether others enjoyed your company as much as you remember BUT its important to have these memories in stone, in front of your eyes for as long as possible to remind yourself it only FEELS like forever, its actually can be as short as a hour, a day or a week.

 

 

That is it for the week. It was surprisingly easy to do this week, its been a weird one but I think going out last night kind of helped put some things into perspective and to be honest most of the songs are aimed at this weekend.

My week as a whole was just work, doing nothing much, hospital appointments, more nothingness then work again before going out. Today I did go to Looe and took 100 photos, so feeding into the photos thing because it isn’t just going out and having fun its spending time with my family and having nice relaxing days, but it has been a quiet week and probably will be leading up to my operation now.

Whilst it was a easy blog to write in the end it also took me way too long so the last of my Sunday night has been taken up by this and talking to people instead of the 100 other things I was meant to do. But at least its all done now!

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