My Life as a Playlist Week 10

We are starting a new streak! Week 1 of not missing a blog. I missed it last week to overcome my social awkwardness and going out and it pretty much has meant we’re starting streak number 2 of 2018 much more happy then streak 1 was.

Beautiful Disaster – American Hi-Fi

I know the song itself is about relationships and such but I’m using it much more for the title and the …

Break it down now
What you want anyway
Right about now
What you want anyway
I’ll fuck it up again
What you want anyway

I mean I am a bit of a disaster but in my own way this week I can see the beauty in how disastrous I am. Its hard sometimes to be nice about yourself WHEN YOU DON’T have mental health problems let alone when your brain is hard wired to constantly ask you why you even bother breathing anymore.

In its way that is the beauty of my disaster. The fact that no matter what I still seem to survive it and then on weeks like this when I’m more green and blue then anything else (mood charting my life at the moment green = neutral blue = good) its nice to remind myself that in my own way I’m a beautiful disaster.

On Top of the World – Imagine Dragons

Again I mean I haven’t DONE anything big this week but its the feeling I have and of the two songs I know with a similar title this one is pretty much the one with the lyrics that kinda agree with this week.

‘Cause I’m on top of the world, ‘ey
I’m on top of the world, ‘ey
Waiting on this for a while now
Paying my dues to the dirt
I’ve been waiting to smile, ‘ey
Been holding it in for a while, ‘ey
Take it with me if I can

This year so far has been a absolute nightmare, waiting to find anything that will make me smile or feel alive again. I’ve just felt like absolute shit through 99% of it and nothing is going right but this week, purely because I had a good day on Sunday, I’ve just felt like everything is OK now.

And I know it’s hard when you’re falling down
And it’s a long way up when you hit the ground
Get up now, get up, get up now

That pretty much sums up how I sometimes see my job right now. In my last job and having to walk out of it I hit rock bottom but the amount of confidence I’ve regained in my new job is letting me get up even when I’m having a bad time. Usually I’m having a bad time for other reasons and not work related reasons.

Bills – LunchMoney Lewis

Like do I have to say more?

I don’t know where my money goes but I’m only one week into March and I need to find money to feed my Guinea Pigs and pay bills. Doesn’t help when I then just blindly spend money at work on things I don’t need. So then I stay on all the extra hours they want which makes me tired because all I’m doing is working half the time and then my money still disappears into a black hole of nothingness.

I’m afraid to open my banking app until I know my two phone bills have come out.

Raise your Glass – P!nk

Again mainly for the title and the overall sentiment and not anything in the lyrics.

We’ve made it to the second week of March 2018.

Its been hard. Its been upsetting. Its been the biggest pain in the ass going. We’ve had our ups and downs but I’ve finally got to a week where my mood has been positive, in the last 7 days I’ve had some great times with great people and even though my sleeping pattern has gone back to shit and I’m fed up of waking up with only a hour till I have to go to work I’m just proud that I have had this week where nothing has gotten me down.

Usually a week where I haven’t been able to wake up before 11am gets me down but it hasn’t. I’ve carried on being positive and getting on with life, even if the blog has suffered because I’ve been too tired from work.

So in the words of P!nk…

Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass
Won’t you come on and come on and raise your glass,
Just come on and come on and raise your glass

 

This week was actually pretty easy to write for some reason. It proves that a positive mind gets you anywhere. I’ve done loads this week even if it hasn’t looked like much and I just hope I can keep this good mood going forward. I have some dark days ahead of me in the next month or so, especially when I realise I over spent on sugar waffles at work and probably no longer have money to pay bills BUT with this mood I can tackle just about anything!

Anyone else had a positive week?

 

 

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