365 Challenge : Comfort Zone

What are you more comfortable with – routine and planning, or laissez-faire spontaneity?

It won’t come as a surprise that I plan just about everything down to the last letter and when things don’t go to plan I easily freak out.

 

Millions of times I have bored you to death telling you all about my anxiety. I’m extremely paranoid in social situations so if I don’t have a bit of a plan of where I’m going and what I’m doing I can get uneasy in situations that means I’m around a lot of people a lot of the time.

That isn’t to say I can’t do spontaneous things. Hell I do stupid spontaneous things all the time. Not being a social person though its usually spontaneously spending money without thinking and then having a while to plan how I’m actually going to do whatever it is. I don’t really have friends to spontaneously force to go and do something with and other then waking up and doing what takes my fancy at the spur of the moment its hardly like I do anything outside the house. I’m a recovering recluse so I spend a lot of time indoors.

When I’m going out though I need a plan. I’ll look up where I’m going, how far it is from point A to point B, the best way to get there, if I’m taking public transport I go into detail on which buses/trains I need to get, which one will get me there 1-2 hours before I need to be there, where there is something I can hide out not too close to the building but close enough that if I blank out and need to rush there I can get to easily…

Its the same at work. One reason I’m so useful in things like Stock Counts and the such is that I plan everything out into the simplest way of doing things and follow the plan.

I guess it all goes back to one of the reasons I am paranoid. I get overly emotional whilst talking to people so if something goes wrong I end up looking or acting really guilty or just generally upset. Therefore if I have a plan and something goes wrong I can point to what went wrong and try to fix it. If I do something spur of the moment I tend to panic that if something goes wrong I’ll get stuck. It doesn’t feel like a adventure to me but complete mental torture.

Again though that generally comes about because I spend time on my own or else if something went wrong I’d have my mum or sister blaming me for not planning better. If I had other people around it wouldn’t be so bad. Never really tried the friends thing though so wouldn’t know.

Its comforting having a plan.

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