2nd March – 8th March
As I said at the end of the last blog, the one that came out only a few days ago because I was so ill and down I couldn’t finish it and just gave up, the ending of February was all about surviving whilst the beginning of March, the very FIRST DAY of March, was about losing my shit.
Determination to make things better didn’t come about until now. Usually I do my best to write the entries either at the end of the day or else the next day or so. I’m writing a good deal of this on the Thursday, my lack of energy, worth and motivation meant that most of the week I was just surviving. The determination that I wouldn’t drown came today. Thursday.
MONDAY 2nd March
Woke up : 7am
But lets go right back to Monday first.
As I said usually these entries are written before I go bed or a day or two after so having to look back on my week on the Thursday is going to be hard.
Monday was much the same as Saturday. It was the same faces at work (with the happy addition of Jean our volunteer on a Monday who taught me everything I know!) and for the first time since Friday I felt positive. I still had my headache, I still felt like I was ready to burst into tears at any second. I was surviving though.
Already on Monday I was trying to find any positive I can to hold onto. We still have daily targets so beating mine was a small victory. Every little task I was given I made sure I did to the best of my ability. Just finishing small things made me feel slightly better in between the painful throbs from my head.
Already I can’t remember what I did on Monday evening but I’ve been getting off at the shops at the top of the hill most nights now and walking home from there. Its just a little something that gets me a little bit more active during the day, it isn’t a long or tiring walk but its better then going straight home and sitting down for the rest of the evening.
Also my assistant manager has started playing Minecraft which has spurred me back into my little world. I’ve been playing a little bit but not much recently so it was nice to get back into it really. I think I’ll make Monday’s on the blog Minecraft Monday’s but this week not so much.
TUESDAY 3rd March
Woke up : 8am
I didn’t need to be at work until later today so it was nice to get up a little later and get a later bus (which is actually the better bus to get I think!) and then have a small walk around town. There are some shops gone that I didn’t realise had gone and that is mainly because I don’t really go into town any more other to work. Me and my mum were planning on walking into town every Sunday but then we’ve had my niece and she doesn’t like walking anywhere too far so we haven’t been doing that either.
The day was quite muted if I’m honest. I was in a day dream like state, my head was completely gone, I was on so many painkillers trying to battle it that half the day I felt like I was lying on a cloud or something. When I forgot to top up my painkillers on time the pain that would come back was unbearable and left me struggling to see.
I tried my best to get up to date with as much as possibly when I got home but I just couldn’t concentrate.
Everything kind of ended up as a blur.
WEDNESDAY 4th March
Woke up : 6am
You might be asking yourself why I woke up so early.
I kind of woke up and the pain in my head was so bad that I threw up, so then I just got out of bed. I got ready for work and was about to leave when I threw up again. I did my best to wait and see if it would subside but when it came time to go and get the next bus I just couldn’t do it.
Instead of work I went to the doctors and the nurse told me that I probably am hitting my head against the wall as I sleep and that I should just turn my bed away from the wall and see if that helps.
I think the stress of wondering what it was being lifted helped me to feel more positive with the day, when I got home I instantly turned my bed around so that I wouldn’t be able to hit it any more. I then had a lengthy chat with Amanda about 50 Shades of Grey which her other half took her to see.
Again it was the little things that cheered me up. I watched Night at the Museum before my mum got home as Robin Williams, Ben Stiller and Owen Wilson never fail to cheer me up and before long I was feeling much more positive. When my mum got home we watched a movie whilst I made a temple in the clouds on Minecraft, it doesn’t look half as good as things other people do but its one of the nicest things I’ve ever built. I’ll post pictures of it on Monday.
I went to bed feeling more positive then I have in a while.
THURSDAY 5th March
Woke up : 9:50am
My day off anyway so it was obvious I was going to wake up late. I put a t-shirt on that never really fit me well, its always been a tad bit too tight. At first I thought I’d lost weight but when I weighed myself I’ve actually gained weight. It either means the t-shirt has been stretched or else I was a lot heavier a few years ago. As years tend to go by in a blink of a eye it isn’t too surprising I have’t worn this t-shirt recently.
I also managed to cancel my mums phone contract which comes out of my bank account which I was meant to do in January but forgot to do, finished Kingdom Hearts 2.5 (blogs on the way) and start playing Birth by Sleep.
The headache saga was finally over and I’ve only got to work tomorrow before having the majority of next week and the whole of this weekend off.
On Wednesday I also brought myself some Funko Pop! stuff to make me feel happier. I had none at the beginning of the year, I’ve always said I wanted to collect them, then I found Daryl in HMV with the big vinyl Daryl and brought them straight away back in January. Now I also have Howard the Duck, The Marshmellow man, Judge Dredd, Hannibal (Mads Mikklesen’s Hannibal) and then my two newest models Tyrion Lannister and Arkham Asylum Joker! Oh and a little Funko keychain Daryl Dixon too to go along with my Freddy Kruger flash drive keychain.
I’ve got them all lined up in front of my TV and plan on writing a few blogs with them later on. I’ve already decided to do a Little Daryl adventures thing and taken some photos of him with my Doctor Who figures.
They honestly cheer me up, I buy mine now from The Hive Mind in Plymouth but I’ve never actually stepped foot inside the shop, small shops like that tend to be very friendly and I don’t like people talking to me even if its to say hi. I’m weird like that but I then become really paranoid. They have all their Funko’s in the window though and I really couldn’t make my mind up which one I wanted to buy so I sent my friend in with my money to buy two random ones. It just so happened that the Joker and Tyrion are really his favourite characters but I love Asylums Joker so I don’t mind. Plus he’s deadly cute! I would never have been able to decided between Jayne Cobb, Sharknado or Roger Rabbit if it was left to me!
I don’t know why I’m babbling about that today but I thought I would!
FRIDAY 6th February
Woke up : 7am
Another long day at work today, to be fair though it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be.
It managed to be busy without being busy and to be fun without anything really happening. I got home feeling more refreshed then I ever have managed to feel before. Especially this week which has been so difficult.
I made plans for the weekend and sat around watching TV when I got home and it just felt right for a change.
SATURDAY 7th February & SUNDAY 8th February
Woke up : 9:50am / 5am
My mum was going to a wedding today so my sister was around.
We have a cat called Princess. She was my middle sisters cat, my middle sister left home when she was 16 well left is a bit of a understatement. She was a psychopath and after befriending a group of Christian’s and telling them a load of lies she moved in with one of them for a little bit before moving in with my grandparents. After about 2 months of living with my grandparents she stole a lot of money from them and then went to live in Plymouth House, she told them that we’d driven her to drinking and she’d drink a bottle of vodka a night which was strange because she shared a room with Catherine and if there was any alcohol in the house Catherine would have had it. She lied constantly about our family and in the end we didn’t talk to her at all, she died a few years back, I can’t remember if she WAS 21 or if she was just about to turn 21. She’d died, no one knows how, and was in her flat for over a week before anyone bothered to check on her, that’s where her life had gotten her. My mum and me were having a lovely time the day we got told she’d died, it was my mums birthday. She still blames herself for everything.
When they were clearing out her house they found her cat, the cat was only a kitten at the time and was called Princess.
My mum and sister were determined it was the only thing my sister ever loved therefore they had to keep her even though I hated cats and didn’t want one in the house.
Catherine decided it was her cat and she’d look after it forever and ever.
Catherine got bored with the cat because the cat didn’t act the way she wanted a cat to act, it bored her and wouldn’t come close to anyone BECAUSE SHE WAS TRAUMATISED.
When my sister moved out last year (baring in mind we’d brought dogs about a year or two after my sisters death) she left the cat with me and my mum. For a year pretty much me and my mum have looked after Princess.
This whole story is getting longer by the second so I apologise. The point is that I told my sister I MIGHT have her dog Scooby, this was before he learnt how to open Freezer doors and got so bad when no one was watching him that if Catherine isn’t proactively with him she has to put him in his cage. My mum made up a plan without talking to me that meant Scooby was coming back this weekend even though I told them that he needed to come down for one day to see how he reacted to the Guinea Pig. Catherine bitch and moaned at me when she heard that I’d said no to the plan and wanted to go back to the original plan, it was like she couldn’t wait to get rid of the dog. She tried to get me to come and get him with her which was never going to happen so she disappeared just to come back and tell me that I needed to put the cat in the carry box before she come back.
She didn’t tell me WHEN she was coming back or how long.
In the end the cat really didn’t want to go in the box so I text’d my sister saying I’d given up.
Two hours later, after apparently never getting my text message (even though she checks her phone every 3 seconds) she showed up with the dog and left us with the dog and the cat.
I told her all week how stressed I was at work, how I was having nightmares and didn’t think I could cope with her shit. I told her this. Over and over again I told her this. Then she dumped all this on me on my first real day off in ages. I know I had Wednesday and Thursday off but this wasn’t a sick day or the day before going back to work this was my proper day off and I wanted to relax. In the end I went to bed even more stressed. The dog barked all night which probably means we’ll get a nasty letter from the council about our noise pollution (our next door neighbour hates dogs, again a story for another time) and I hardly got any sleep.
That is the reason that the two days merged. I hardly slept all night and then in the end the drama continued into the next day. My mum told Catherine it was out of order to give us BOTH of her pets and to top it all off she hadn’t even given us much food for the dog or blankets, toys etc so the poor thing was bored out of his mind and had nothing to sleep on. Catherine has taken it the wrong way and got in a bitch attack with my mum about it so came and took both the dog and the cat with her, not before making my mum put the cat in the cat box and taking her jolly good time to get down here.
Since then we haven’t heard a peep from her, she left Christy’s school bag and homework here and my mum gave her plenty of notice to get down to our house to pick it up so Christy wouldn’t get in trouble at school but she waited until midnight to text us back and decided she won’t come get it but her friend will.
If it wasn’t for the fact that it all happened in the morning so then me and my mum went out for a walk to Sainsbury’s and brought ourselves a nice tea (and I brought myself like 10 pairs of socks) I don’t think I would have slept at all Sunday evening either. It was hard to even remember what day it was by the time we got home and because of her two days that I was meant to be spending stress free and relaxing ended up being full of anger and sadness.
My sister is just like that.
TV Show of the week :
The Following, which Rick is reviewing, was probably my favourite show of the week. I liked how it came back with a bang!
Anime of the week :
ONE PIECE! No really. This week I’ve really tried to both catch up with One Piece as well as randomly watch the Whitebeard War. If we’re going for things that actually came out this week… Assassination Classroom. I felt a bit meh-ish about Death Parade if I’m honest and Yurikuma didn’t come out as far as I could tell. Assassination Classroom on the other hand had me giggling from start to end.
Song of the week :
Another Perfect Day –American Hi-Fi . There is something about this song. I’ve loved American Hi-Fi for what feels like forever but I didn’t have this or another of my favourites of theirs on my iPhone until this week and I’ve listened to this one every day.
Random thought of the week :
Does anyone else have problems leaving the front door?
I don’t mean going out in general but the moment you leave and you know there is no turning back to check the front door is 100% locked you panic?
It happens to me every day. The problem is once, about two years ago, I was going out with my sister to take the dogs for a walk. When we got back about a hour or two later the door was wide open, I was the last person out of the house and what had happened was that my sister had put the door latch down when she was waiting for us so she could shut the door so the cat didn’t leave (she was a indoor cat and we were worried she’d get hurt going out but she goes out now) but she wasn’t locked out. So when I came downstairs and shut the door even though I thought I’d shut it and heard it slam shut obviously it wasn’t fully shut and a gust of wind blew it open. We were lucky that no one came in or stole anything.
Now every time I leave the house I’m at my front door for up to five minutes making sure its shut.
Our old front door wasn’t too bad because it locked automatically, it didn’t have a door handle and you couldn’t leave it open (I can’t really explain door mechanics very well, can anyone?!) so you’d close it, give it a shove to make sure it wasn’t on the latch and then go. Now, especially because the lock broke just after the new door got installed and we had no end of trouble with it, I’m there pushing the door handle up and down, leaning on the door and everything before I leave in the morning.
Its stressful because I forget how many times I’ve done it or how long I was stood there by the time I get to the bus stop. By the time I get on the bus I’m wondering did I accidentally put on the cooker when I left? Is there a tap still going? Did I leave something somewhere it could blow up? DID I FUCKING LOCK THAT DOOR?!
This is one of those things that I’ll never find a cure for I guess because its just me worrying. I’m usually fine if I’m leaving with someone else for some reason but in the mornings on the way to work I’m sat there nearly in tears thinking someone is going to get into the house and steal my stuff.
And yes this is probably my Funko Pops!, laptop and PS4 I’m most worried about. They are the only things of worth I have and I’d hate to lose them. I worked really hard to afford to buy a new laptop and my PS4 and as for my Funko’s they just make me extremely happy to look at them.
That’s it for the week. The week where things starting turning up Millhouse!
As always I’d love to hear about your weeks and how you feel. Just start up a conversation in the comments!
On another note I’m thinking of doing some handwritten bits for this as well so in a week or so I might have some of it handwritten. Maybe. I’m thinking about it.
I hope you all had a lovely week and strive to make the next one better!