Don’t you just hate it when people think that you should just be able to make friends?
My sisters both found it easy to get on with people, literally my youngest sister has just been rehomed in a completely different area from where we’ve lived our whole life and she’s already got a whole load of new friends.
I don’t know, I can’t talk to anyone. My sister doesn’t understand and she’ll try to make out that she’s shy too but she doesn’t know the half of it!
I think I do know why I’m shy and I know why I have trouble battling it.
I’ve never been able to speak properly, I had extensive speech therapy when I was a kid but I still struggle to pronounce words and that leaves me stuttering. It is something I’m always aware of. I dumb down the way I speak because if it is longer then a few syllables I’ll struggle to say it, foreign names I struggle with especially if they aren’t said as they look… In my head I can say anything I want but the moment I start talking….
It has plagued me my whole life. How am I meant to get a better job when I can’t pronounce half the words I’m trying to say, the moment I start stuttering I start fidgeting and it doesn’t look professional. It’ll be the biggest problem for me in life in general. I don’t met many people so my friendship group is quite small and consists of people I’ve met online, none of whom live that close to me.
It’ll also be a big hurdle I’d have to get over to get into Formula One. If I ever wanted to do anything I’ll have to be able to communicate well with people. After all no matter what your job is you’ll be meeting all sorts of different people, some who won’t talk English very well at all and you need to be clear and understandable all the time.
It is something I am trying to work on and I guess if I get my video blog bits up and running it’ll help, working where I do helps a lot because it has given me the confidence to be able to talk to people in that setting. I still stutter but I know what I’m talking about therefore it never worries me. I just need to keep that attitude outside of work.
I don’t think I have a problem with communicating but I let myself believe that others won’t be able to hear what I want to say so I stay out of it. I shouldn’t and that is the biggest hurdle but I think I need new situations to help me get my goal of speaking clearer. I want to be able to talk to people, I like talking to people, I’d love to have learned millions of new languages, but I never did.
I guess that will be the shadow goal of this blog. Maybe to get to Silverstone next year and meet people. Go somewhere and just be myself.
Bringing it back to getting a job into F1 I think I have the patience with my speech that I can get over the hurdle. I am good at talking to all sorts of people, working with volunteers, some who aren’t English, has given me patience if anything. I help train people in the store and they always say nice things about me so I don’t think my speech is that much of a problem when I’m comfortable, I think people get used to it. Because it isn’t like I mumble or I’m too soft or something like that, I have a nice loud voice and clearly pronounce words but it is when I get to that one word and have to say it a few times or else get stuck in one place and then just have to carry on stuttering that I have problems.
My strength is with people, explaining things and teaching. A people facing role would be fine for me.
I would really like to be in a position not just to be in F1 and travel with the circus but to meet people, it is the one thing I love most. If I did get a job I’d want to be able to meet people.
The only way that I’m going to get over it though is to keep talking to people! But it is hard when you don’t have the confidence to talk to people.
Practise makes perfect but it isn’t always easy.